Would You Still Choose to Marry Your Current Spouse If Given Another Chance?
A thought-provoking question was posed on Zhihu, China’s equivalent of Quora, asking married individuals if they would still choose to marry their current spouse if given the choice again. The responses reveal a wide range of perspectives on love, marriage, and life choices.
A simple yet profound question was recently asked on the Chinese Q&A platform Zhihu: “If you could go back in time, would you still choose to marry your current spouse?” This query struck a chord with many married users, prompting them to reflect deeply on their relationships and life decisions.
The responses paint a complex picture of modern marriage in China. Some users unequivocally affirmed their choice, expressing deep love and appreciation for their spouse. One woman shared, “I would choose him a million times over. I truly love my husband so much.” Another said, “When we got married, he was the best choice for me, and he still is today.”
However, not all responses were so positive. Some revealed regrets, unfulfilled expectations, and even resentment. “Absolutely not! Meeting him was the biggest regret of my life! He ruined me and our child,” lamented one user. Another shared, “After so many years, the hurt he caused me is unforgivable. I only regret not decisively leaving him when we were younger.”
Many posts touched on the challenges of in-law relationships in Chinese culture, where newlywed couples often live with the husband’s parents. One newlywed bride confessed, “After just five months of marriage, I’m mentally exhausted. I went from my own family home to becoming part of his family, not our family…I have to be so cautious around his parents…It’s really difficult to live this way.”
Some users expressed a bittersweet acceptance of their circumstances. “How to put this… If you asked me now if I regret marrying him, I’d say no. But if you asked me if I’d make the same choice again, I’d also say no,” one woman explained. Another said, “I wouldn’t marry him again… but divorce has too high a price. We’re the age where we have both aging parents and young children, so I can only continue on like this.”
Sprinkled throughout were also snippets of wisdom gained through years of marriage. “All the rose-colored lenses shatter after you get married,” stated one user bluntly. Another shared, “The most important thing is growing together. Your shared experiences, whether joyful or painful, help both of you grow. Only with shared experiences can two people become one whole.”
As these responses show, there is no singular narrative around love and marriage. Each relationship is colored by highly personal factors - family dynamics, communication, aligned values and goals, and so much more. Perhaps the most important takeaway is the need for deep reflection and open dialogue with one’s partner. As one wise user summed up, “Set no rules, draw no lines - but this requires ongoing discussion and agreement between you both.”
While not all marriages are fairy tales, they can still be meaningful partnerships rooted in mutual understanding, growth, and commitment. In the end, the answers to profound questions around love and marriage can only be found within each individual and each unique couple.