Why do I always feel like Im inferior? Is this low self-esteem personality?

Self-Esteem and Cognitive Bias

Why do I always feel inferior? This statement does not necessarily indicate low self-esteem. From the perspective of cognitive psychology, it may simply be a rationalization of “cognitive dissonance,” which is a cognitive bias that occurs when analyzing problems or attributing them, without rationally considering the process of viewing things.

Self-esteem, on the other hand, primarily involves an individual’s self-evaluation of their social role.

For example, if you are a Chinese language teacher and someone compliments your teaching skills, you will feel very proud and confident. You will have a positive attitude towards many things and more motivation to engage in work. This is indicative of high self-esteem.

On the contrary, if someone belittles you, says you have poor skills, and that you are just a fraud trying to teach, you will feel down and uncomfortable.

Individuals with low self-esteem may start to doubt themselves, feeling unworthy of being a teacher, and may fall into feelings of self-blame and guilt.

In Maslow’s hierarchy of needs theory, self-esteem is a higher-level need that includes two aspects: desire for achievement, advantage, and confidence; and pursuit of reputation, dominance, and appreciation. When the need for self-esteem is satisfied, a person feels confident. If the need is not satisfied, feelings of incompetence and weakness arise, leading to a loss of self-confidence.

The concept of self-esteem also depends on the meaning of achieved success for the individual. Individuals with high self-esteem can balance their life expectations and personal values well, excelling in various aspects. On the other hand, individuals with low self-esteem may struggle to balance their lives, showing signs of psychological discomfort.

As for the concept of low self-esteem personality, strictly speaking, it is not entirely accurate. Personality refers to the sum of various psychological characteristics of a person, including cognition, emotions, and will, which are relatively stable organizational structures. These characteristics influence a person’s thoughts, emotions, and behavior at different times and places, distinguishing them from other unique psychological qualities.

Generally speaking, we don’t say a person has a low self-esteem personality; at most, we would say “your self-esteem is a bit low,” which is a more reasonable description. When evaluating personality, we tend to assess whether it is normal or abnormal.

For example, if someone is prone to being emotional, we often say, “Oh, this person has some issues with their personality, they are unstable and too emotional, difficult to get along with.” This type of evaluation is commonly used.

Personality and self-esteem are somewhat related but fundamentally different concepts, with some distinct characteristics.

In conclusion, there are many reasons behind the thought of “why do I always feel inferior.” It could be negative thinking resulting from trauma or an emotional response to personal setbacks. The specific state can only be accurately determined through careful analysis.

Reasons for Inferiority and Solutions

A few days ago, I had dinner with a friend who told me that a female colleague had confessed her feelings for him.

To hide my curiosity, I casually picked up a cucumber and asked, “How did you respond to her?”

“I told her, ‘I’m not worthy,’ and then she got angry and walked away,” he said with a silly smile.

After hearing this, I almost choked on the cucumber and said, “If you don’t want to accept, then don’t. Why use such offensive words?”

“Wait, do you think there’s something wrong with what I said? I honestly feel that I’m not worthy. With my situation, no one would have a good life being with me.”

Hearing him say this, I stood up and said, “Alright, I’m going to the restroom, you can take care of the bill.”

Because I’ve known him for many years and often interacted with his parents, I have a general idea of why he would have such a mindset, so I didn’t continue lecturing him.

During his childhood, his parents lived in fear and exhaustion, not giving him enough love. As a result, he grew up under constant criticism, neglect, restrictions, comparisons, ridicule, and judgment.

Over time, he internalized thoughts such as:

“I’m not good enough”, “I’m not deserving of love”, “My thoughts and feelings don’t matter, others' thoughts matter more”, “I always burden others, I’m a nuisance”,

and other negative beliefs.

When he was in high school, his parents divorced. Since then, he has put on a heavy mask: pleasing others, always suppressing himself, being obedient, never expressing his needs, and striving to become excellent.

He believes that only by doing so will others like him, but he is also afraid because the self he presents is not the real him. No matter how excellent he appears, deep down there is always a voice saying, “You’re not good enough.”

He has had a few relationships, but even in intimate relationships, he lacks confidence and often asks himself and those around him, “Does she really care about me?”

Yes, he feels inadequate, he feels unworthy of having all the wonderful things in the world.

Psychologist Alfred Adler believes that personality is formed and developed in the process of overcoming inferiority and seeking superiority. People are naturally inferior because they are born weak and completely dependent on adults. It is this inferiority that drives people to strive to overcome it, pursue success, and develop their personality. However, if overwhelmed by inferiority, it leads to feelings of inferiority, neurotic personalities, depression, and despondency.

Here’s an example:

On the basketball court, a girl sits in the back row, watching the boy she secretly admires. However, she doesn’t have the courage to confess her love to him. When the boy leaves the basketball court, the girl quietly follows behind him, but her heart is filled with inferiority. She is afraid of the boy’s rejection and fearful of others' ridicule. When she looks in the mirror at herself, she sighs once again for her timidity.

She feels that everyone around her is mocking her. Even if others are just chatting happily nearby, she believes they are talking badly about her. Even if someone just passes by her, she clutches her arms in fear. When she receives the gaze of the opposite sex, she dodges away. As her inferiority grows, she becomes more and more nervous and fearful of social interactions.

Inferior people often rarely consider themselves.

They believe they have no value, and because of this belief, they often neglect taking care of themselves and their appearance. For example, an inferior person may not pay attention to their clothing or have a very rough lifestyle.

When you neglect yourself and see a poor reflection in the mirror, you further diminish your self-worth and become less inclined to consider yourself. Whenever you don’t pay attention to personal hygiene or indulge in junk food, the situation becomes worse, and you perceive yourself as even more worthless than before.

If you want to restore a positive feeling about yourself, the first thing you need to do is to break out of this dangerous cycle. If you don’t break free from it, you will never move forward and ultimately overcome your feelings of inferiority.

The best way to break free from this vicious cycle is to take care of yourself. If you live in a very dirty room, then clean it up. If you don’t shower or shave, address those issues first. If you start changing how you treat yourself, the situation will gradually improve.

One of the reasons we lack confidence is that in our minds, we continually have thoughts like “no one loves me” or “I have no value”.

By repeatedly reinforcing these thoughts, you start to firmly believe that you are not a capable person.

To counteract these negative thoughts, you need to reconstruct them. When you have thoughts of worthlessness, you can fight against them and reflect on yourself. For example, tell yourself, “I have value. I am skilled at painting and listening, which brings joy to others.”

As these positive thoughts are repeated more and more, you will start to believe that they are true. You are indeed a valuable and capable person. Every time you have a negative thought, counter it, and your confidence will gradually increase.

Are you someone who easily feels inferior? If the above methods still don’t help you regain your confidence, we suggest seeking professional help. Through professional psychological assessments, we can identify the root causes of your inferiority and provide self-healing tailored to your specific issues, allowing you to face life confidently and healthily.

Above all,

I am here. If you have any psychological concerns, feel free to contact me for consultation.

If you need it, I can offer you an appointment.

Lastly, thank you for your agreement and support.

Self-growth and Development

The term “personality” is like a basket into which anything can be put.

People seem to have a tendency to categorize themselves or others, and then analyze and judge.
Because some seemingly professional terms are used, sometimes it even feels a bit fancy!

• However, this approach may be a negative suggestion to oneself, labeling oneself.

Human psychological phenomena are complex. If one is not professionally engaged in psychology, it is recommended not to use these professional terms everywhere.

Don’t always analyze what kind of person you are. Instead of spending time and energy on that, think more about what kind of person you want to become, and then work hard to build yourself.

If you always think poorly of yourself, you can debate with yourself: Am I really bad at everything? Don’t I have any areas where I’m better than others?
Then find the areas where you surpass others, and view yourself positively, objectively, and comprehensively.

• It’s okay to acknowledge your own shortcomings. You can learn from others to make up for and improve yourself.
• Look at the strengths of the people around you and learn from them. If, when faced with five people, you learn one strength from each of them, you will have five advantages!

This is what modern psychology pays more attention to.

It emphasizes self-growth and self-construction more, rather than immersing oneself in self-analysis and self-judgment!

Changing Yourself, Rejecting Parental Manipulation

I often receive messages from internet users who say they always dream of being chased and killed. My reply is, you have always been obedient, taking everything your parents say to heart. Your parents rarely praise you, rarely encourage you, and you have become accustomed to self-manipulation and self-pressure. You are used to self-criticism in everything, making it difficult to accept compliments from others.

This issue can be resolved by practicing saying no to your parents and rejecting their manipulation.

Characteristics of Low Self-esteem Personality and Self-healing

Individuals with low self-esteem personality tend to please others, easily susceptible to pickup artists (PUA), lack self-confidence, and yearn for recognition from others. They are afraid of changes in the external environment, feel uncomfortable refusing others, and are not good at expressing their own opinions on things. They are overly sensitive to interpersonal relationships and society. Therefore, it is difficult for them to establish intimate relationships with others. They prefer assertive individuals or even those who go against the norm. Once an intimate relationship is established, they will unconditionally support it, regardless of right or wrong. They may even believe that everything the other person says is for their own good and that only they truly care about them. Even when someone tries to remind them, they dismiss it as an issue with the person and reject their goodwill. They feel empty and cowardly inside, lacking strong emotional support, and constantly devalue themselves. They always feel undeserving and neglect their own inner feelings. They fear conflict and failure, suppress their emotional needs, and sometimes individuals with strong self-esteem and perfectionism may develop a low self-esteem personality due to repeated setbacks. It is hoped that every individual with low self-esteem can encounter someone who can heal themselves. Of course, there are not so many angels out there. The one who can truly heal oneself is oneself.

Improving Self-Concept

First of all, it is important to clarify that feeling inferior does not necessarily mean having a low self-esteem. Low self-esteem is a relatively stable personality trait that is often characterized by a low sense of self-worth and self-evaluation, and this perception is often based on subjective and distorted cognition and evaluation, rather than objective facts.

If you always feel inferior, it may be due to the following reasons:

1. Setting excessively high self-demands: You may have high expectations and standards for yourself, and these high standards may lead you to always feel that you are not good enough, resulting in feelings of inferiority and self-doubt.

2. Influence of negative feedback: You may have received too much negative feedback during your growth process, such as frequent criticism, blame, or denial, which can lead you to doubt your abilities and worth.

3. Social comparison psychology: In modern society, people often learn about others' successes and strengths through social media and other channels, which may lead to feelings of inferiority and self-doubt, and the belief that you are not as good as others.

To improve this situation, you can try the following methods:

1. Objective self-evaluation: Try to rationally evaluate your strengths and weaknesses, do not demand too much of yourself, and do not rely too much on others' evaluations. You can try to use facts and data to support your points of view, rather than relying solely on feelings and emotions.

2. Actively seek support: Share your feelings and thoughts with family and friends, seeking their support and advice. At the same time, you can also find professional counselors or psychologists to obtain more professional help and guidance.

3. Cultivate self-confidence: Try to do something that you think you are good at, and gain experiences and confidence from successful attempts. At the same time, you can also improve your abilities and skills through learning and personal growth, thereby enhancing your self-confidence.

4. Learn self-acceptance: Accepting your flaws and shortcomings is one of the key elements in building self-confidence. You can try to improve your mindset and behavior through self-acceptance, so that you can face challenges and difficulties more positively.

Finally, it should be clear that changing one’s cognition and behavior takes time and effort. Do not expect significant changes overnight, but maintain patience and confidence, moving forward step by step. Also, remember that everyone has their own value and strengths, so do not easily dismiss your own worth and abilities.

Discovering and Developing Your Strengths

Nothing is insignificant.

As people in ancient times have said… When three people appear together, there will inevitably be something on one person that is worth learning from.

It’s just like on Douyin (Chinese video-sharing app), where people gain popularity by showcasing their huge appetite every day.

Eating is a human instinct, but sometimes it can also become an advantage, or rather, a point of economic growth.

Because of this advantage, it can bring considerable economic income at this moment.

Even beggars who rely on begging for food also need talent and eloquence.

Everyone has their own strengths, you just haven’t discovered them yet.

Don’t get used to comparing your “weaknesses” with other people’s “strengths”.

Comparison and Happiness

It is also possible that the reference or standard you have chosen for comparison is a bit too high. Whether you are happy or not depends on whether you compare yourself with a homeless person on the street or with a carefree wealthy person.

Positive praise, changing self-perception

Find a friend or family member you trust and make an agreement to praise each other even for the smallest good things. Before going to bed, repeat these praises and savor the happiness they bring. This is my method of self-confidence. I only need one person to be my first audience, and repeatedly affirming the positive is a great way to change the subconscious and self-perception!

Methods to Overcome Inferiority Complex

Feeling inadequate and having a sense of inferiority is a manifestation of low self-esteem. Even if these individuals manage to overcome their current shortcomings, you will still hear similar complaints.

This is because what they truly lack is “self-acceptance”. In addition to external factors, personal internal psychological factors can also influence self-evaluation. Some people may have experienced trauma, setbacks, or unfair treatment during their growth process, which can lead to feelings of inferiority and insecurity.

For individuals with low self-esteem, they often amplify their own shortcomings and overlook their strengths, making it easier for them to constantly feel inadequate.

Engage in communication with the people around you. Communicating with the people around you can alleviate personal psychological pressure, gain understanding and support from others, and thereby enhance self-confidence.

Discover your own strengths. Everyone has their own strengths. Identifying and fully utilizing your own strengths can boost your self-confidence and self-esteem.

Learn to relax yourself. Proper relaxation in life and work can help alleviate stress and maintain physical and mental well-being.