What life insights have you recently understood?

Nov 21, 2023 life, reflections-on-life

The Kindness of Ruthlessness

The kinder a person is, the more ruthless they become in the end. This is because they have done what they should, endured what they should, and given what they should, and they have done so with a clear conscience. However, in the end, they do not receive recognition or response from others. They have no regrets and nothing worth turning back for. They used to be extraordinarily kind to others, but now they can be heartless and unfeeling without any guilt.

Over the years, as I observed things, I gradually realized why it is said that heaven treats everyone equally.

It is because a person’s life is meant to experience great joy and great sadness. Only through such experiences can a person truly comprehend the essence of life. Only by repeatedly transforming oneself through various experiences can one truly awaken. Right and wrong, good and bad, become trivial as time goes on. However, doing good deeds is still the most ideal path to fulfill oneself. I hope everyone can understand this.

In fact, when a kind person reaches the stage of being heartless and unfeeling, it is the beginning of a new life. This new beginning is a good one, and true ruthlessness is undoubtedly the most compassionate and righteous.

This is because kind-hearted people have already tasted bitterness. People can never truly teach others, only experiences can. Once taught, one can understand. A truly heartless person is responsible for themselves as well as others. They do not indulge others' greed, which ultimately protects themselves and helps others awaken.

When a person can be so heartless that their thoughts are unaffected, success is within reach.

Just like heaven, which is impartial towards all things, treating them all like grass, it may seem cruel. But this impartial treatment is true fairness and righteousness.

Not favoring anyone, not letting anyone off the hook, this is absolute fairness, absolute righteousness. Once a person can reach this point, they are already on par with heaven.

If a person can control their own mind, what can’t they accomplish? What money can’t they earn? What love can’t they find?

Not being moved by others and constantly focusing on oneself, essentially, this is taking the greatest responsibility for oneself. It is in this state of kindness that one can exert great influence.

While still being kind to others, once someone crosses your boundaries, immediately show ruthlessness and punish them. This is the true heart of a bodhisattva, with thunderous methods.

In this situation, the people around you will only become better. Using this approach in love, marriage, and career will make one’s life increasingly happy and fulfilling, without exception.

May boundless blessings be with you.

Avoiding Fear and Not Daring to Try

Men all like black silk stockings.
In fact, most people don’t have true friends, they just don’t dare to admit it.
When a person is doing something, they are already considering the pros and cons in their mind.
The environment one finds oneself in can truly be changed through one’s state of mind.
Parents mostly consider themselves first, let alone friends.
It is better to wrongly blame others than to blame oneself.
Don’t mix emotions with the workplace, don’t seek a secretary.
Don’t lose yourself in love, adults only select, not transform.
Confidence is necessary, no matter what you do, you live only once. As long as it’s not illegal.
Love and friendship must come after money and family, believe me!
People always deceive themselves in their diaries.
The emotions built up by chatting will disintegrate and reveal their true nature sooner or later once interests are involved.
Beautiful friendships are just like beautiful love. Don’t pursue blindly.
When dealing with people and things, approach it with a transactional nature, the outcome will never be bad.
When someone asks you to point out their flaws, don’t take it seriously, just find ways to praise them.
Don’t immerse yourself in the role of the victim.
Everyone must prioritize their own interests, those who sacrifice themselves for others… will ultimately be defeated by reality.
Gradually growing apart is the norm in life.
People are good at disguises, their true nature is more evident when they are angry.
If you’re not doing well, friends might be saddened by it, but if you’re doing well, friends definitely won’t be happy for you.
Don’t explain yourself to anyone.
Don’t believe in any sentimental, long-lasting words.
The relationship between people is shallow, with some people, even if you still love them, small things can shatter your bond.
People are inclined to seek benefits and avoid harm, especially when it comes to borrowing money, one must think twice.
Don’t refrain from doing something out of fear.

Study for 20 years, repay housing loans for 30 years, and contribute to the hospital for the last 20 years.
Tobacco loses money, oil loses money, telecommunications lose money, transportation loses money.
Concern for panda Ya Ya, sympathy for the Hawaii wildfire, condemnation of Japan’s nuclear waste water, and vigilance against cyber spies.
Private profits, collective responsibility, socialized risk, and global charity.
Women are a country’s compass,

When women pursue knowledge, the country progresses.

When women pursue freedom, the country is civilized.

When women worship money, the country is corrupt.

When women attach themselves to the powerful, the country is decadent!
Beautiful women are the compass of an industry; wherever beautiful women are, opportunities lie. This is an indisputable fact.

In the past, there were many beautiful women in textile factories in the 70s, department stores in the 80s, flight attendants in the 90s, and real estate in the 2000s. There were also many beautiful women in the financial industry a few years ago, but now many have left, leaving behind a bunch of middle-aged men getting fat. It is really sad to look around during meetings and see thinning hair. Private WeChat (AK2015308)

When the industry is booming, which institution doesn’t have a few beautiful women salespersons? It works like a charm when they put on their business attire. Whether the other party is a fund manager or an old bank president, they always hit the mark. Now that the overall environment is unfavorable, the previously entered beautiful women have aged, and young girls have turned to become internet celebrities. Not only are there fewer beautiful women in the financial industry, but also in other industries.
Women generally expect men to:
1. Be loyal.
2. Have sexual ability.
3. Have money.
But the cruel reality is, God only allows men to have two of these.

If a man is loyal and has money, it is highly likely that he lacks sexual ability.

If a man has sexual ability and is loyal, he definitely doesn’t have money.

If a man has money and sexual ability, he is absolutely a playboy without exception!
When an actor who earns millions of dollars starts selling goods for 9.9 yuan in a live streaming room, shouting and hoarse from calling out.

A master with his own museum sells goods from flea markets for 19.9 yuan in a live streaming room.

When all the wealthy people are eyeing the fruits enjoyed by the poor, it indicates that the last drop of blood in this society is about to be squeezed out.

Of course, live streaming is legal, the goods are legal, and shouting and promoting are legal. Each step is legal, but when they are combined, something feels off. What is wrong exactly?
German experts research heavy industry,

American experts research military industry,

Japanese experts research light industry,

And our experts specialize in researching migrant workers.

As if that wasn’t enough, foreign experts study every day on how to deal with us, and it’s ridiculous that our experts also study every day on how to deal with ourselves. They study all day long on how to make ordinary people borrow money to buy houses. This completely destroys the happiness of the Chinese people who have lived for 5,000 years. These people are not experts, they are more like traitors!
The six major contradictions in today’s society are:

1: The contradiction between the increasing intelligence of the masses and the outdated tricks they fall for.

2: The contradiction between the pain of being sober and being confused.

3: The contradiction between a problem arising if housing prices rise and a problem arising if they don’t rise.

4: The contradiction between cash losing value if held and losing money if invested.

5: The contradiction between wanting to strive but not knowing where to start and wanting to live a laid-back life but feeling uneasy.

6: The contradiction between anxiety when having something to do and falling into depression when having nothing to do.

It’s impossible for someone to come into this world, study for over a decade, work for over a decade, just to spend the last few decades repaying a damn housing loan and then make contributions to the hospital.

So, when we put aside tasks like buying a house, getting married, and having children,

You will find that life is actually very simple.

It’s okay to look at your phone all day.

It’s okay to sleep until noon.

It’s okay to be lazy and not want to go to work.

It’s okay not to smile at people you dislike.

It’s okay to live a laid-back life.

It’s okay to only love yourself aside from your parents.

It’s okay… life belongs entirely to yourself.

But when you take having a car and a house for granted and pursue them, you are enslaving yourself.

So now, even though my life is gradually passing by, I have never felt as empowered as I do now, like a long-dormant giant steel beast waiting for the moment to start operating again. The gears are turning, everything is in time.

I dare not say what great achievements I can accomplish in this lifetime. My character determines the heights I can reach in this lifetime, but I want to live my life the way I like. That’s enough.

In “The Affairs of the Ming Dynasty,” there is a sentence: “The reason why I wrote about Xu Xiake is to tell you that so-called great achievements that last for generations and have everlasting fame mean nothing compared to one thing: living your life in a way you enjoy.” This sentence elevates the book “The Affairs of the Ming Dynasty” to a whole new level. Throughout the entire Ming Dynasty, whether it was Zhu Yuanzhang, Zhu Di, Zhu Youjian, or Zhang Juzheng, Wang Yangming, etc., these people were all carried forward by the era. They may have reached the pinnacle in politics or in thought, conquering everything, but were they truly happy throughout their lives?

At least, Xu Xiake was truly happy. While others in the same era were obsessed with wealth and fame, Xu Xiake sat atop Mount Huang listening to the sound of melting snow all day long. Although we now know that the source of the Yangtze River is in the depths of the Qiangtang Plateau in Qinghai and Tibet, the determination and courage it took for him to set out on that journey were extraordinary.

2023, I don’t wish for everyone to have immense wealth. I wish for everyone to live in the present and fully live for themselves.

- The Most Important Ability a Woman Should Learn in Her Life is to Make Herself Happy

Choose a partner who is better than you
Be careful with your words, as language has power
What truly transforms you is your unwavering willpower and curiosity
Life has no meaning; the source of human suffering comes from not being able to come up with ideas, not being able to achieve them, not being able to let go, and not being able to move on
Choice is more important than effort
Let go and leave the past behind
Completely agree with a paragraph
Never attempt to change anyone
Do not excessively provide emotional value to others
Keeping silent and compromising are both bad character traits
Economic independence is the foundation of independent thinking and behavior
For young people who have no family wealth, true independence means having a healthy body, a large sum of savings, and exceptional knowledge
Never expose more than 75% of yourself
Adults only select, they do not educate
Cultivate a calm mindset and accept that you are an ordinary person
The more you share, the more you receive
Sharing some useful cold knowledge
Apathy can save you 80% of trouble
Enjoy the “garbage time” in life
Never expose more than 75% of yourself
The more choices you have, the more you gain
Accept that you are an ordinary person
Never attempt to change anyone
Adults only select, they do not educate
Keeping silent and compromising are both bad character traits
Let go and move forward
Adapt to the circumstances and choose your own lifestyle
Never expose more than 75% of yourself
Lifelong growth and independence
Judge if it is necessary to look at the lives of the wealthy based on your own circumstances
Accept that you are an ordinary person
Do not attempt to change anyone
Provide less emotional value to others
Let go of the past and look ahead
Enter the flow state to make life more peaceful and happy
Do not pay excessive attention to others, focus on your own matters
Economic independence is important, more important than being single
Strive to align your thoughts and actions
Share your time and abilities
Learn to be ordinary and let go of the pursuit of perfection
Do not attempt to change anyone, only select meaningful relationships
Avoid prying into the lives of the wealthy
Accept that you are an ordinary person and embrace imperfections in life
Keep a part of yourself hidden and not exposed to others
Learn to be independent, not only economically but also in terms of thoughts and behavior

1、

In fact, what a woman should learn most in her lifetime is not how to make money or dress herself up, but the ability to make herself happy no matter how big the storms are.

You cannot control your birth, and sometimes marriage depends on luck. The only way to live a good life is to have the ability to adjust your own emotions.

If you are loved by your parents and have a good partner, then cherish it and don’t create unnecessary troubles. If you have a weak family relationship and encounter the wrong people, then live for yourself.

Life is already bitter enough; there is no need to be unhappy.

2、

Choose a partner who is better than you, instead of finding someone to satisfy your laziness and dependence.

Pouring water for you and preparing supper for you at night, taking care of you meticulously - these are not scarce resources. The real scarce resources lie in the way they speak, their knowledge base, their business vision, their ability to control situations, and their emotional stability.

The best partner is an ally in the battlefield of life, not someone who satisfies your laziness and dependence.

3、

Be careful with your words. Language has power, and many times, the words you unintentionally say come true.

When asking for leave, do not say that you have a stomachache, or you might end up having one. Just think about why companies spend a lot of money on advertising; it’s because advertising works. The more you see something, the more likely you are to buy it. Do you understand?

Consistent language can lead to cognitive changes. If your parents have been telling you that you are not good since you were a child, constantly saying it to you, you will also start to believe that you are not good (even though it is not true).

So, how do you solve this? You need to tell yourself that you are amazing (by saying it to yourself continuously).

4、

I recommend that all timid young people read this sentence repeatedly:

“All opinions and judgments are temporary, while our own experiences and achievements accompany us throughout our lives. Almost all worries and fears come from our own imagination. Only when you actually do something will you discover how happy you can be.”

5、

Choice is more important than effort.

“Choice” itself is a skill that requires a lot of practice and effort to develop.

The ability to make excellent choices is an essential quality of a leader, also known as “decision-making ability.” It involves collecting, analyzing, and carefully comparing a large amount of information, which is a laborious cognitive process. It also involves a little gamble when information is not perfectly symmetrical. If we summarize it in one sentence: we must strive to learn how to think clearly and make decisions, so that we can “make choices” instead of “making gambles.”

6、

In reality, there are no great truths that can suddenly enlighten people. Those are just temporary stabilizers.

What truly transforms you is your unwavering willpower, persistent determination, and curiosity about the world.

7、

Life has no meaning. Instability is normal. We are born into this world merely borrowing 100 kilograms of atomic molecules from the Earth. We are here to experience life for a few decades before returning it. The Earth does not care about the life and death of humans. Even if the sun goes out, it doesn’t matter to the universe.

The source of human suffering is simply not being able to come up with ideas, not being able to achieve them, not being able to let go, and not being able to move on.

To survive, all we need is water, food, air, warmth, and safety. To ensure these things, an income of 1500 yuan per month is enough. Work for three days and relax for two days to live the life that farmers longed for in ancient times.

The game rules beyond these standards are shackles imposed by the upper class on the lower class. They are constraints. Rights, money, status, and marriage are all examples of this.

8、

But any skill that can earn you money, nobody will teach you for free. Either you pay tuition fees, or the other party genuinely wants to help you. Otherwise, what could be achieved in three years may take five years.

9、

Those who try too hard cannot go far.

Effort should not be something that needs to be consciously aware of all the time. Willpower is a mental energy that can be exhausted in the short term.

Those who truly persevere until the end do not rely on passion but on appropriate fondness and dedication.

10、

The more you share, the more you receive. To go fast and far, walk with a group of excellent people. The more willing you are to share, the easier it is to attract outstanding individuals. The more altruistic you are, the more it benefits you. This statement deserves a thumbs up.❤️❤️ No!

11、

There is an eternal universal rule in the world:

When you don’t care, you gain. When you become better, you meet better things. Only when you become powerful, you are not afraid of loneliness. Only when you are not afraid of loneliness, can you be selective.

12、

Apathy can save you 80% of trouble.

13、

In recent years, I have come to understand a truth:

People don’t need to be too sensible. They just need to develop their own way of doing things and genuinely believe that there are no problems. Then people around you will naturally adjust and find a way to get along with you.

If you don’t come up with solutions, others will. It’s amazing how “finding solutions” is conserved.

14、

Don’t dedicate 100% of your time to work. Use 80% for work and problem-solving, and reserve the remaining 20% of your time for activities that can relieve stress.

For example, go on vacation to niche destinations during holidays, experience the local culture and natural landscapes. This not only adds fun to your life but also gives you more motivation for work~

15、

Enjoy the “garbage time” in life.

In the past, I often felt that doing laundry, walking, eating, and cooking were a waste of time. So, I used to do these things while holding my phone, scrolling through social media, or listening to music.

Now I understand that we live in order to be able to do these mundane tasks leisurely, rather than squeezing time to “enrich ourselves.”

16、

Do not excessively provide emotional value to others. Understand their situation, but setting boundaries is crucial. Making others happy is not your responsibility.

17、

Let go of the past.

The past you has disappeared, and the present you is a brand new soul. If you excessively care about the past and its traces, you are wasting the present. Please let go of the past and let go of everything, good or bad.

Truly let the past be the past, don’t blame those in the past, don’t blame yourself in the past. We are all living for the first time; no one knew what life would be like before experiencing it.

18、

In psychology, there is a concept called “flow."

It refers to the state of being fully immersed in something, resulting in a high sense of pleasure, fulfillment, and losing track of time. If you feel empty, anxious, or dissatisfied with life, do things that can put you in this state. It will bring you peace and happiness.

19、

Many people seem to be doing well, but don’t lose confidence because many of them are not as outstanding as they appear. They also have their internal struggles. What you see is only the side they want you to see. If you don’t believe it, observe secretly.

20、

Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth.

When you come across this point, click “like,” let go of the past, and you will become more successful! ❤️

21、

I will share some useful cold knowledge with you:

90% of the things you worry about will not happen.
A 30-second hug can relieve one-third of your stress.
Exercising more than twice a week reduces the risk of death by 23%.
Reading for 6 minutes a day can reduce 68% of stress.
Exercising for 20 minutes improves memory by 20%.
Laughing heartily for 18 minutes is equivalent to 3 hours of sleep.

22、

I strongly agree with a statement:

Do what you want to do quietly and without fanfare. Do it well, and then let others know.

The grander something appears, the easier it is to fail.

Real change happens silently.

23、

Avoid prying into the lives of the wealthy.

I once saw a joke: When you open the Xiaohongshu app, you will find that all the wealthy people in China are on Xiaohongshu. Like a 24-year-old who bought their first Ferrari, or an 18-year-old who saved their first million…

Originally, I thought it would be great to click into it and have a good time, but it made me question the meaning of life. How can I not feel restless with such a contrast? So, don’t worry about whether these stories are true or not. Live a down-to-earth life, and that’s the right way.

24、

Accept that you are an ordinary person.

We all know we should have a calm mindset, but actually achieving it is not easy. There are no superhumans or perfect individuals in the world. From a broader perspective, even if they exist, they are not you. Accept that you are an ordinary person, accept your shortcomings, and accept the imperfections of life. Most of the pain comes from not accepting the reality of being thin.

25、

Never attempt to change anyone, even if they are your parents or your spouse.

In the end, you will find that you cannot change anyone in your entire life, even if you use your lifetime to try.

In the end, you will realize that “what creates people is the world, the creator, the entire society, the time, and the entire universe. It is the physical, biochemical, and natural laws… We, as ordinary individuals, can hardly do anything to change and transform others, especially when it comes to an adult.”

26、

Adults only select, they do not educate.

27、

“Keeping silent” and “compromising” are both bad character traits. You may think that you are sacrificing for the greater good and being a good person, but no one will genuinely want to thank you. They will only think: you are foolish, easy to bully, and you should be this way.

28、

Never expose more than 75% of yourself.

The most captivating sight is of a woman partially covered after taking a bath. A familiar yet strange feeling is the best social state. Suspenseful moments attract people, while spoilers make movies uninteresting.

29、

Economic independence is the foundation of independent thinking and behavior. It is more important than being single.

30、

For young people who have no family wealth, true independence does not lie in owning luxury brands, living in high-end apartments, or traveling abroad. True independence means having a healthy body, a large sum of savings, and exceptional knowledge.

When your loved ones need help, you have the capacity to solve problems easily. When faced with major difficulties, you have the ability to overcome them without having to rely on family or borrow money from friends.

Thank you for reading until the end, and thank you for your likes and follows. I hope you can be sunny, optimistic, confident, enjoy your work, have the ability to love others, and have a calm attitude towards handling things. The future is promising!

I am Yitong @ Dong Yitong, an e-commerce operator who loves reading, sharing, and exploring the aesthetics of life. I am committed to lifelong growth, and I hope that we can all become better versions of ourselves. If you enjoy my content, I look forward to your follow, and let’s explore the beauty of life together! ❤️

Text and images compiled from the internet, deletions allowed.

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Living in the present, living life in one’s preferred way

It’s impossible for us to come into this world, study for over a decade, work for over a decade, just to pay off a thirty-year mortgage.

So when we set aside tasks like buying a house, getting married, having children, you’ll find that life is actually quite simple.

It turns out it’s okay to look at your phone.

It turns out it’s okay to sleep until noon.

It turns out it’s okay to be lazy and not want to go to work.

It turns out it’s okay to not always smile.

It turns out it’s okay to lie down.

It turns out it’s okay to love only yourself besides your parents.

It turns out… Everything truly belongs to yourself.

But when you take having a car and a house for granted and pursue them relentlessly, it’s a form of self-imprisonment.

Therefore, even though my life is slowly fading away, I have never felt more alive than at this moment. It’s like a long-dormant steel behemoth that is waiting for the moment it starts moving again. Everything happens in time.

I dare not say what great achievements I can make in my lifetime. My personality determines what I can achieve in this life. But, I want to live my life in a way that I enjoy, and that is enough.

In “The Story of Ming Dynasty,” there is a saying:

The reason why I write about Xu Xiake is to tell you: compared to one thing, the so-called “lasting fame for countless generations” is actually not that significant.

That one thing is to live your life in a way you love.

I am born, the world comes into being; I live, the world exists; I die, the world is destroyed.

During the entire Ming dynasty, whether it was Zhu Yuanzhang, Zhu Di, Zhu Youjian, or Zhang Juzheng, Wang Yangming, and others, these people were all propelled forward by the times. Perhaps they reached the pinnacle in politics or in thought, surpassing everything and everyone. But were they truly happy in their long lives?

At least, Xu Xiake was genuinely happy.

While others in the same era were obsessed with power and fame, Xu Xiake sat at the summit and listened to the sound of melting snow all day long.

Although we now know that the source of the Yangtze River lies in the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau, the determination and courage it took to set out on the journey back then were remarkable.

In 2023, I don’t wish for everyone to have abundant wealth. I wish for everyone to live in the present and fully live for themselves.

It’s late at night, if you happen to come across this, please give it a like. You can also take a look at Brother Wolf’s experience of picking up scraps after dropping out of school~

Feel free to follow Brother Wolf’s public account: [Unspoken Rules of the World] to share the unseen and hidden rules of society.

A “like” will make you rich this year, follow Uncle Wolf and he will show you the truth of this frustrating world~

Believing in benefactors is the key to success

The biggest pitfall in life is believing that you can succeed on your own (to get help from influential people, you must not carry a poor attitude)

I am a person who is too proud, to what extent? I used to have a situation where I could easily ask my father for help. With his abilities, it would be effortless for him to handle it. But I went through a lot of trouble, spent a lot of time and money to take care of it. After I finally finished, I casually told my father. I didn’t show any emotion on the surface, but deep down, I was very proud: You see, I didn’t need you to get it done, I’m so amazing.

Sons long for praise from their fathers, and that day I also had that thought. But my father became furious and said a sentence that I still remember to this day: If you’re not even willing to ask your dad for help, what will you do when you need to ask others? How can you expect others to help you when you have such a poor attitude?

At that time, I didn’t agree with what he said because I believed that with my own abilities and intelligence, success would come sooner or later. Why should I ask others for help?

But as I encountered numerous setbacks in society, I realized that my previous thinking was wrong. Where did I go wrong? It’s true that with strong abilities, you will eventually get what you want, but getting something at the age of 25 is different from getting it at 40. Earning 1 million at the age of 25 is the first bucket of gold, earning 1 million at 40 is a down payment, earning 1 million at 50 is just the coffin money.

“Focus on accumulating virtues, read extensively, cultivate a good reputation, respect ghosts and gods, connect with influential people, and cultivate oneself.” These things like “accumulating virtues” and “ghosts and gods,” I don’t really believe in them. Even if they are true, we, as children from humble backgrounds, are all quite similar. The characteristic of children from humble backgrounds like us is that we are extremely hardworking, willing to put effort into studying. So where does the difference lie? The difference lies in influential people.

You have to seek help from others. Most of us have very limited resources, and without the help of others, there is simply no way to rise quickly. The people who help us are the influential people. So, we must make influential people help us. But influential people are not easy to help you. The so-called influential people are always much stronger than us. People adhere to the same principle: why should they help you?

How can you make influential people help you? Let me give you an example of what not to do.

I answered free consultation questions on Weibo, and one boy asked me a question with this introduction: “Bro, what should I do if I have no money? My family is in difficult circumstances and I can’t give you any money.”

If we were to evaluate “how to make someone think you have low emotional intelligence with a single sentence,” I think this young man’s statement could rank first. I already told him that the consultation was free, but he still felt the need to mention his “poverty.” This is what I call “poor attitude.” To get help from influential people, the first rule is to definitely not carry a poor attitude.

Why is that? It is because of human nature. For example, even though I provide free consultation, I hope people are grateful, even if it’s just a verbal thank you. Someone who knows how to handle social situations may even give a red envelope, although I won’t accept it, the satisfaction in my mind is still there. Although it is not an “equal exchange,” in this environment, both parties implicitly accept it as an exchange. This kind of person who complains right from the start is actually implying: I won’t be able to repay you, essentially destroying this principle from the beginning.

No one will be willing to help such a person, and even if they do, they will do so reluctantly.

A reminder for my readers: If you are poor, weak, or dealing with illness, you must never tell others or let others know. Most strangers will not sympathize with you because of these circumstances. Some malicious people will not only refuse to help you, but they may also use it against you and seize your opportunities.

In Jin Yong’s work, “The Smiling, Proud Wanderer,” there is a scene where Linghu Chong is stranded at sea, hungry and thirsty for several days and nights until he is rescued. His enemy, Wan Laofu’s wife, tries to manipulate the pirates into assaulting Linghu Chong. In his extreme hunger and weakness, facing the pirates and his enemies, he straightened his back, which shocked them, and the pirates did not dare to make any sudden moves.

I once received a consultation from a civil servant. He was a civil servant from another province who got a job in a prefecture-level city in Liaoning, purely based on his abilities. But their department’s leaders didn’t believe him, so they interrogated him and wanted to dig up his secrets. He was troubled by this, and he mentioned that he came from a poor family. As a result, the leaders even paid less attention to him and assigned him many tedious tasks. He asked me what to do. I advised him to accidentally mention that he had relatives working for a department in the provincial government (even though he didn’t), a department that had little contact with their unit. But just like that, with the information I provided, their unit treated him differently, and he was relieved of many thankless tasks.

Ordinary people also don’t have the ability to help you, and they will distance themselves from you. This doesn’t mean that they are bad, but it’s because you give them the feeling of being a burden. People always have expectations of becoming better themselves. If they can’t achieve that, they will dislike you because they believe you are causing them trouble.

Even influential people are not willing to help you because although it may be easy for them, helping you comes with greater risks.

For example, if there are two capable girls in your company, and their professional abilities are similar. But if you inadvertently let people know that you come from a poor family and your father is addicted to gambling, while your colleague lives without worries, who do you think your boss will promote? On the surface, it may seem that you need the opportunity more, but your boss will choose your colleague. Why? It’s because she has fewer troubles. The boss is afraid that if one day you fall behind due to family matters or if something happens with your father, what will you do with the company? The temptation for your colleague is lower.

The mistake that young man made was that as soon as he opened his mouth, he revealed that he was weak. No one will help a weak person. Although I helped him that day, I did it reluctantly.

Of course, just making others think you are not weak is not enough to make them help you. And another problem we children from humble backgrounds face is that our objective difficulties do exist. It’s a dilemma of whether to talk about it or not. So how do you get influential people to help you?

Let me share one of my own experiences to explain this. My personality began to change because of this experience. Prior to this, I was firmly against asking others for help, but after this experience, I began to change my personality. It was the most difficult time for me. At work, as a middle-level manager, I had unpleasant relationships with several vice presidents due to some business issues. I secretly started a side business, but it wasn’t making ends meet. Moreover, my wife was about to give birth, so I was facing both internal and external difficulties.

I analyzed my situation at the time. I needed a breakthrough in my career, and to do that, I had no chance with those several vice presidents around. Just when I was anxious, an opportunity arose. The company’s boss was being promoted, and a new CEO was coming in. I realized that he was my only chance. But I had never interacted with him before. It was winter, and I couldn’t fall asleep until midnight every night. I was so nervous that I had cold sweat on my back. I also had a strong sense of self-esteem, so I was constantly pondering whether or not to humbly ask him for help.

On the day of the new CEO’s inauguration, after the meeting, he was chatting with several vice presidents in his office. I was extremely anxious at that time, pacing back and forth in my own office. How should I approach him? Should I approach him? When is the right time to approach him? Those several vice presidents were there, what if they talked badly about me? My mind was spinning in a state of panic, and I was on the verge of giving up. Then suddenly, I thought about my child, and in that instant, I became resolute. I absolutely had to go.

I quickly wrote a draft on a sticky note, read it twice, and then went straight to the CEO’s office. I pushed open the door, and the several vice presidents were there, including those who had a difficult relationship with me. One of the vice presidents tried to introduce me, “This is…” but I didn’t even look at him. I interrupted him and stared at the CEO, saying, “CEO, I would like to discuss some work with you privately.”

I was so nervous that my heart seemed to jump out of my chest, but the CEO waved his hand and said, “I’ll talk about some business with this young person.” He asked the vice presidents to leave.

Then I sat down and started discussing what was written on my draft. I still remember it vividly even today.

“CEO, I am a competent employee in the business department. I have participated in several major projects of the company. I came to see you today because I heard your speech at the meeting just now, especially a few particular sentences. I felt a strong resonance with your business philosophy. Your words were inspiring, and I believe an opportunity has come for me to make a difference in my career. Although I have never had any contact with you before, my intuition tells me that there is a connection between us. I have many shortcomings as a person, specifically, as a business employee, I only know how to work and don’t know how to get along with my colleagues. I have offended many people in the past, but I still hope to work with you in the business department."

This paragraph couldn’t be said in one go. During my conversation with the CEO, I gradually shared these pieces of information. This meeting was very important for me. The CEO really favored me and gave me an opportunity. Shortly after, I was promoted in a personnel reorganization.

Later on, one of the vice presidents asked me about my relationship with the CEO. I told him that I had accidentally interacted with the CEO in the past and that he had always admired me. During my time at the company, no vice president dared to badmouth me in front of the CEO, even though I had never interacted with him before.

I’m sharing this not to reminisce, but because this conversation is a template for getting help from influential people, for seeking support. In the future, when I need someone’s help, I use this template with slight modifications, and it seldom fails. What’s the magic about this paragraph? Let me explain it one by one.

“CEO, I am a competent employee in the business department. I have participated in several major projects of the company." —— Show your strengths, show your value. You must be useful to influential people for them to help you. Compare this with the complaint version of the opening line, “I’m being alienated by several vice presidents in the company. I have a child now, and I urgently need a promotion and a raise to take care of my family and work.” Guess who the CEO will choose?

“I came to see you today because I heard your speech at the meeting just now, especially a few particular sentences. I felt a strong resonance with your business philosophy. Your words were inspiring, and I believe an opportunity has come for me to make a difference in my career. Although I have never had any contact with you before, my intuition tells me that there is a connection between us." —— What is the purpose of this paragraph? It may seem like flattery, but it’s not just flattery. It’s about establishing a connection with influential people. I only need you, even if others are capable, have value, influential people want too many people to help them. Why should it be you? Let’s think of it as being in a romantic relationship. You need to establish exclusivity. There are plenty of beautiful women, but you only have one first love. I’m saying I only need you with this line, influential people are also human, they are emotional creatures. Humans are not emotionless like plants. Why should they listen? If a dog dies, people may express sympathy, but they may not cry. However, if their own dog that they have raised for over ten years dies, not only will they cry, but they may also be overwhelmed with grief. That’s because the former is “someone else’s,” while the latter is “mine.” This is the second point, establishing a connection, establishing exclusivity, making influential people feel like you are one of their own.

“I have many shortcomings as a person, specifically, as a business employee, I only know how to work and don’t know how to get along with my colleagues. I have offended many people in the past, but I still hope to work with you in the business department." —— What does this paragraph accomplish? It may seem like simply confessing one’s flaws, but it’s not just that. It further excludes others and establishes a position as a lone hero with a straightforward image.

As long as I take the initiative to reveal my intentions, the other vice presidents won’t dare to slander me in front of the CEO anymore. This is because, first, the CEO’s fixed image of me as a straightforward person is already established, and second, I have become one of his own people, and what others say is no longer important.

Of course, these vice presidents are also clever individuals, and none of them would ask the CEO why he chose me. They would only try to test me. But after I made it clear about my relationship with the CEO, they wouldn’t dare to say or do anything against me.

After this incident, my life started to go smoothly, and I have to thank that influential person for their help. The society we live in operates based on certain hidden rules. These rules, besides your own parents, are seldom taught to you. For us children from humble backgrounds, we may never fully understand these rules throughout our lives.

I am a personal essayist. I enjoy exploring interpersonal relationships and human interactions in life. I share my knowledge and insights, and I welcome like-minded individuals to share and exchange ideas with me.

If you feel that my words have been helpful to you, it is because I have also experienced, observed, contemplated, and grown through the same things.

Personal Account: (CH09906). Follow me to learn how to handle relationships, see through human nature, and change your destiny thirty years ahead of time.

Change of mindset leads you to make money

As one reaches middle age, they experience many things, go through many setbacks, and naturally understand a lot of things. Truly making money is not something that can be achieved just by working hard. However, hard work is one of the essential elements in making money.

The biggest stroke of luck for a person to make money is not finding money lying around, but rather meeting someone one day who challenges their existing mindset, enhances their understanding, and subsequently elevates their realm of thought. This, in turn, leads them to achieve a higher level of success and make money.

The Worldview of Probability

We can only change ourselves.

The author of “Having a Clear Idea” says:

In my opinion, the correct worldview should be called the worldview of probability, somewhere between the two.
The core idea of the worldview of probability is simple: the final outcome of many things cannot be guaranteed, but the probability of this outcome occurring can be changed through our efforts.

Recently, I have come to realize that a worldview that believes everything is up to us becomes fragile and vulnerable in the face of setbacks. However, if we were to believe in determinism, where everything in the world is predetermined, it becomes too extreme.

Therefore, the world we live in should be a world of probability, where changes exist but can still be altered through our own efforts.

Before, I was somewhat optimistic, believing in the power of human agency. But in the past 1-2 years, I have discovered that there are certain things that I cannot change no matter how hard I try, such as external circumstances or the thoughts and actions of others. In the end, the only thing I can change is myself.

This shift in perspective has actually lessened my anxiety. Since the only thing that can be changed is myself, it is better to focus on the present.

The book “Having a Clear Idea” reveals many mathematical ways of thinking in life, which is fascinating and worth reading.

Pride and Self-righteousness

Although pride is not a virtue, it is the origin of many virtues. - [UK] Quinton Collins

Pride destroys and corrupts humanity. It leads people astray from familiar paths and makes them embrace novelty. It makes them desire to be the head of all things, causing them to lose their way and wander on the road to hell. It turns them into teachers of falsehood, rather than children of truth. - [France] Montaigne

Self-righteousness is our innate and primitive flaw. Among all creatures, humans are the most pitiful and fragile, yet they are also the most proud and arrogant. - [France] Montaigne