The Dilemma of a Dying Doctor
A recent live stream featured a 37-year-old associate chief physician from a top Beijing hospital who has late-stage cancer. Despite dedicating his life to helping patients, he now feels deeply disappointed by their lack of gratitude and support in his time of need. His story raises complex questions about the expectations between doctors and patients, and the true meaning of a life of service.
Dr. Li, an associate chief physician in the oncology department at a leading Beijing hospital, recently shocked viewers during a live stream by expressing his profound disillusionment with the patients he has treated throughout his career. At only 37 years old, Dr. Li is already facing late-stage cancer himself.
Dr. Li’s impressive background includes five years of undergraduate studies, four years of graduate school, and four years of PhD work before rising to his current position. He has been known as a compassionate doctor, often paying out of his own pocket to help patients afford medications. By his own account, he has given around 400,000 RMB to help cover patients' bills over the years.
However, now as he battles a terminal diagnosis, Dr. Li has been dismayed to find that very few of his former patients are willing to return the favor. He has been able to collect back less than half of the money he loaned out. Some have even criticized him, callously questioning how he, an oncologist, could have gotten cancer himself.
Compounding his despair, Dr. Li expressed regret at how he feels he wasted so much time in school and poured himself into his patients at the expense of his own well-being and personal life. He laments that after self-funding his education for so many years, he doesn’t have sufficient savings to fully cover his own treatment costs.
As his condition worsens, Dr. Li struggles to come to terms with life’s seeming injustices and find renewed meaning and hope. A meeting with a Buddhist on a trip searching for answers left him further perplexed. The monk suggested that the people Dr. Li had saved were those destined to live anyway. This leaves Dr. Li pondering the true value and impact of a doctor’s efforts.
Dr. Li’s heart-wrenching story raises difficult questions with no easy answers. To what extent can terminally ill patients, often facing immense physical, emotional and financial strain themselves, be expected to repay the kindness of their doctors? How should doctors, trained in science and rationality, grapple with existential doubts and spiritual crises when confronted with their own mortality? What defines a meaningful life of service?
As medical professionals work tirelessly on the front lines, Dr. Li’s dilemma is a poignant reminder of their humanity and the great sacrifices they make. His story invites deep reflection on how to honor their contributions while acknowledging the imperfect, complicated dynamics inherent to doctor-patient relationships. Perhaps the most fitting tribute to Dr. Li’s life’s work is to ensure more support for courageous healers in their darkest hours of need.