Should we apologize to the child we wrongly accused?

The Importance of Apologies in Parenting

Of course, an apology is needed. I have answered similar questions many times. Everyone can search my homepage for them. Each question emphasizes the need for an apology, but the content varies.

Children are independent individuals. Parents should lead by example so that children are treated with respect. Do not disregard their feelings just because they are young or because you are a parent or elder.

Convincing with reason and virtue, moving with emotion and reason, setting an example, and daring to act responsibly are all ways parents can be role models.

Just like how mice learn to gnaw holes, most skills are acquired through the family and social environment, and personality traits.

Parents should apologize to their children when they make mistakes to set a good example. This way, children learn to acknowledge their errors, courageously admit their mistakes, and manage conflicts and relationships better.

Should parents apologize for wrongfully accusing their children? Parents are a child’s first teachers. What kind of person do you want your child to become? Someone who refuses to apologize and behaves unreasonably or someone who courageously admits their mistakes and is responsible?

Parents are role models for their children. Children often imitate their parents' behavior. What parents do, children are likely to imitate. Good parenting leads to good behavior in children.

When parents mistakenly accuse their children, they should apologize to them. Don’t let your authority as an adult or parent overlook the child’s feelings. By apologizing, children learn to apologize when they are wrong, just like their parents.

Apologies are okay. We are still friends!

I am a mother named QiQi, nurturing my child and myself, growing together with my child, who is a little over two years old. If you like my content, please like or follow me!

The Impact of Apologizing to Children

If you believe that the status between adults and children is unequal and that apologizing once will lead to repeating the same mistake, then perhaps you might think it better not to apologize at all.

Not apologizing means at least the child knows you were wrong internally. However, if you apologize and then frequently repeat the same mistake, it might confuse the child: if parents wrongly accuse them, is an apology sufficient?

I recently saw a picture with many comments below it. Netizens said the picture was staged, questioning how a person of high status could possibly kneel on one knee to talk to a child. As an educator, I believe differently. We’re taught that when speaking to children, we should maintain eye level to show we’re listening and respect them. Most of us tend to squat to talk to children, but many Westerners aren’t used to squatting, so they adopt this kneeling posture to show respect to children.

Back to the topic: should adults apologize when they’ve wronged a child? Consider how you would feel if someone wronged you. Wouldn’t you appreciate an apology?

When you wrong a child, at that moment, you might feel justified, but the child, dependent on you for basic needs, feels unjustly accused and powerless. Not apologizing after realizing your mistake sets a poor example and can lead to several negative outcomes:

1. The child learns that apologies are unnecessary for mistakes.
If they see parents not apologizing for their mistakes, children might adopt the belief that it’s unnecessary to apologize when they err, leading to poor social interactions and a loss of friendships.

2. The child might believe apologizing means taking all the blame.
Without seeing parents apologize, children might think that apologizing after wronging someone means they are entirely at fault, leading them to cover up their mistakes and avoid responsibility by not apologizing.

3. The child becomes adept at shirking responsibility.
Some people are particularly good at evading responsibility, and this trait is unwelcome in society. If parents don’t apologize for their mistakes, they indirectly teach their children to evade responsibility, shaping them into individuals who are adept at avoiding accountability.

Parents must remember: children have equal status. The principles by which you conduct yourself are the models your child will learn from. When you realize you’ve wronged your child, a sincere apology is crucial. It teaches the child the correct way to behave and interact with others.

Reflections on Apology and Respect in Family Dynamics

Let me share an incident from my own childhood.

When I was in the fourth grade, my brother and I were accused of taking money from our mother. She usually kept her money in her clothes pockets, which were hung in the room, and we all knew this. One day, she declared that 20 yuan was missing from her pocket and insisted that we had taken it.

We hadn’t done it and naturally refused to admit to something we hadn’t done. My brother, five years my senior, was much more stubborn than I was.

Frustrated, my mother complained to my father, who took the matter very seriously and interrogated us again. We continued to deny any wrongdoing.

As a result, my father punished us with a bamboo stick until our buttocks swelled. I cried bitterly, but my brother didn’t shed a single tear. He just stared defiantly at our parents.

Eventually, my mother found the money elsewhere, and we were freed from further punishment. Realizing her mistake, she apologized profusely. Although I was upset, I eventually forgave her after her continued apologies and consolation. However, my brother didn’t forgive as easily. Looking back, I realize he was probably waiting for an apology from our father—an apology that never came.

That incident led to a month-long estrangement between us and our father. It was the only time he had ever hit me. He was a strict father who believed in stern discipline, especially for boys, which meant my brother often bore the brunt of his strictness. But never before had my brother completely shut down communication with him, a silence that lasted a significant time.

Eventually, when my brother left home for work, his contact with our father became minimal. Whenever he called, I could sense that our father wanted to be involved but was held back, perhaps by pride or regret.

It’s not to say that this one incident led to their distant relationship, but it certainly was a contributing factor.

So, it’s crucial not to always consider issues from the parent’s perspective only. Children are independent and deserve respect. They shouldn’t be treated as possessions or mere extensions of their parents. Everyone makes mistakes, and acknowledging them with a sincere apology is important.

It’s often said in stories online, which upon reflection, can be quite sad.

Note, the apology must be sincere, not casual, dismissive, insincere, indifferent, nor should it be an evasion or a perfunctory gesture.

A genuine apology should acknowledge the specific wrong behavior and express remorse with a sincere attitude. It should carry the responsibility to make amends and a commitment to take measures to correct the behavior. Most importantly, it should ensure that the same mistake is not repeated.

This is not easy, but it’s something we should strive to do. It’s never too late to learn and make amends.

The Importance of Apologizing to Children: A Responsible Perspective

As a guide in social-emotional learning, a counselor for teenagers and children, and a parent, it is essential to express the responsible viewpoint that apologizing to children is necessary after wrongly accusing them.

If you don’t apologize to your child, they may not only feel unjustly accused but also hurt, helpless, disappointed, and even harbor seeds of resentment within their young and vulnerable hearts.

Moreover, apologizing is a vital social-emotional skill for children, contributing significantly to the development of their social relationships, friendly interactions, self-esteem, and respect.

Last month, in our social-emotional learning (SEL) class, we explored the theme of “Sincere and Effective Apologies” with the children. In the warm-up game, children spontaneously uttered the phrase “I’m sorry” during a “beat around the bush” interaction. When they raised the question, “Why do some people find it difficult to apologize in our lives?” they posed an excellent query:

Some children said, “Apologizing is difficult because of the fear of criticism.”

“Yes, I once thought my mom’s hairpin looked pretty, so I took it to school to show my classmates. But my mom couldn’t find it and accused me of stealing it. I initially wanted to apologize, but after hearing my mom’s words, I didn’t want to say anything anymore,” a girl continued.

Some children said, “When I want to apologize, I don’t know what to say or do, and it feels like just saying ‘I’m sorry’ isn’t enough.”

“We have a classmate like that too. He said his parents never apologize, and once, when he made a mistake, the teacher asked him to apologize, but he refused,” another student shared.

As the children summarized at the end of the role-playing scenario:

“People who have never received an apology cannot learn to apologize. Apologizing is not a big deal, and a sincere apology can resolve conflicts and misunderstandings, improving relationships.”

We all know that parents serve as mirrors to their children, subtly influencing them through their words and actions.

If parents wrongly accuse their children and fail to apologize, it can be for two reasons: on the one hand, they may place too much importance on their “rightness” and view apologizing to their children as a loss of face. This is because they do not consider their children as equals, deserving mutual respect, but instead believe that they are superior to their children. On the other hand, they may not care much about their “wrongness” and question the necessity of a formal apology, asking if it’s necessary to apologize for every little thing.

In reality, apologizing and showing gratitude are similar and frequently occur in daily life. Parents who have the courage to apologize to their children when they wrong them are demonstrating that they face problems head-on instead of making excuses. This also teaches children to take responsibility, resolve conflicts, and find solutions.

So, how can parents apologize sincerely without losing face?

Many parents, despite realizing their mistakes, hesitate to express their apologies due to concerns about their image. However, there are ways to handle this. If a parent has made a mistake or failed to keep a promise to their child, they can promptly say, “I’m sorry.” This not only helps build a child’s self-esteem but also instills in them the habit of respecting others.

1. Empathize with Emotions, Address the Issue Specifically, and Apologize Promptly

Once, when Dad heard his sister crying, he rushed over and saw his brother holding a toy bubble gun in his sister’s hand. He assumed that his brother was snatching it from his sister, causing her to cry. Dad scolded his brother without a second thought, saying, “You’re so grown up, yet you’re still fighting with your sister over toys. How immature! Move away.” In reality, the brother had seen his sister fall and was trying to help her up using the bubble gun, but she slipped again.

It’s easy to imagine how angry the brother was at that moment. “Hmph, why did Dad scold me without even understanding what happened? I won’t help anymore, it’s all your fault!” he said, pushing his sister away again.

Dad didn’t pay much attention to him at that time and simply comforted the sister. Later, he realized that he had mishandled the situation and wanted to apologize to his son. Instead of saying “I’m sorry,” he bought his son some yogurt as a “bribe.” Surprisingly, the child didn’t buy it and said, “Why bother now? I don’t care. It’s your fault anyway.”

It’s understandable that the brother was angry because he was misunderstood and didn’t receive a timely apology. He might have held some resentment towards Dad’s favoritism or negligence. When the child said, “Why bother now,” he was actually hoping that his parent would apologize at the moment of the incident or shortly thereafter. Therefore, when parents realize they have wrongly accused their child, they must explain and apologize promptly, ideally within a day or two, as prolonged delays can intensify conflicts and cause lasting harm to the child.

When apologizing, pay attention to the child’s emotions, address the issue specifically, and make it clear by saying, “I’m sorry.” This allows the child to feel that the parent values the incident.

2. Apologize Sincerely and Explain the Reason

Following the clear and specific “I’m sorry” mentioned earlier, avoid evasiveness, hesitation, or excuses while apologizing. Children can sense your reluctance and may perceive criticism in your words, undermining their respect and trust in you. Superficial apologies are meaningless and can affect a child’s perception of their parent’s credibility, authority, and the parent-child relationship.

“Sorry, because… I tried not to do it again. Can you accept my apology?” By explaining the reason for the apology, articulating feelings, thoughts, and consequences, you convey sincerity and respect in your apology, enabling a heartfelt resolution of misunderstandings and wrongful accusations.

3. When Verbal Apologies Are Ineffective, Consider Alternative Approaches

There’s a saying: “Parents wait a lifetime for a ‘thank you’ from their children, while children wait a lifetime for an apology from their parents.” Who among us is infallible? Moreover, nobody receives training before becoming a parent, so making mistakes is natural. Therefore, there’s no need to let pride prevent you from apologizing to your child.

If verbal apologies don’t work in the moment, and as long as you maintain understanding and respect, it’s acceptable for a child not to accept an apology. Parents shouldn’t become upset about this. As our children mentioned in class, “If the other person can’t accept our apology, we can hold their hand, give them a hug, sit quietly beside them, or give them some time to feel better before apologizing again.”

Apologizing promptly and sincerely when you’ve wrongly accused your child won’t tarnish your image in their eyes. Don’t consider it optional or overly serious. Apologizing and addressing issues positively sets an example for your child, teaching them to face problems and find solutions. It equips them with valuable social skills, strengthens the parent-child relationship, and benefits them throughout their lives.

@Zhihu Parenting

To the questioner, it is essential to apologize to the child for wrongly accusing them. Doing so demonstrates respect for the child and also serves as a role model for their future growth. In life, no one is perfect, and everyone makes mistakes. However, whether one can dare to admit their mistakes is the measure of one’s character and charm.

Apologizing to Children: A Matter of Respect and Role Modeling

When someone offends you, should they apologize to you? If your answer is “yes,” then adults should certainly apologize to children if they wrongly accuse them, because children, like adults, are individuals with dignity and the right to be respected.

However, in reality, many adults, even if they commit significant wrongs, refuse to apologize to children.

You might wonder why. There is only one reason: we are adults, and adults are not supposed to be wrong. Even if we are wrong, we should not admit it to children because confessing to children is seen as a loss of adult identity, something that makes adults unable to hold their heads high.

But in reality, adults who can courageously admit their mistakes to children will find that children are more willing to love them. In a child’s world, parents are their everything. They love their parents unconditionally, regardless of who their parents are, their appearance, wealth, temperament, or even if their parents scold them, misunderstand them, or even physically discipline them. Children love their parents without complaint or regret, as they are the only world their parents belong to.

From the perspective of a child who loves their parents unconditionally, parents should, even if it affects their reputation, apologize sincerely to their children after doing something wrong.

Children imitate our words and actions. This means that if we treat them with equality now, they will treat us with the same kindness when they grow up, especially when we become elderly and need their care.

However, if we suppress children in the name of being “adults,” we may reap the consequences of our parenting.

If you don’t believe it, you can find answers by looking at real-life examples:

Yuan’s father is an extremely authoritarian “tyrant.” He always speaks with authority at home, even if he is wrong, he remains unapologetic. He is always “right,” and any mistakes are always someone else’s fault.

Under this authoritarian approach, if Yuan does something that doesn’t align with her father’s “taste,” he, as an adult and a parent, will sternly reprimand her.

Yuan grew up in pain under her father’s authoritarian upbringing. As an adult, she attended a university far from her hometown and settled far away. When her father calls her and pleads with her to visit home more often, she responds impatiently, just as her father did when he was younger.

If you ask her why she is so “cold-hearted,” she says that the reason she studied so hard as a child was to escape her oppressive father. Now that she has escaped him, she has no desire to return to the source of her suffering. She also admits that she wants to be a dutiful daughter, but as soon as she hears her father’s voice, she instinctively feels fear and annoyance, responding to him in the same manner he treated her.

It can only be said that this father has left a profound shadow on his child, causing her to do everything possible to escape.

So, when some parents blame their children for not being filial, should they reflect on how they have treated their children?

On the other hand, Tao Tao grew up in a family where emotions were stable, unity and love were abundant, and equality and mutual assistance were emphasized.

When his family encountered problems, they never rushed to find a solution, and they never blamed each other or pushed responsibility onto others. Even if they occasionally misunderstood and wrongly accused each other, they would sincerely apologize afterward.

After apologizing, they would genuinely thank each other for their understanding and would express their love actively.

Children raised in this harmonious atmosphere grew up nurtured by love and respect, and naturally, they treat everyone in a gentlemanly manner as adults.

As a result, the “children of others” that everyone praises are born.

These two examples teach us that the way we interact with children is crucial.

If you want a positive outcome, treat your children with love, equality, and respect, like Tao Tao’s parents do.

If you want to raise “wolf cubs,” you can follow the path of Yuan’s father: unreasonable, disrespectful, and lacking in love for your children.

Apologizing to Children: A Necessity

It’s essential!

First and foremost, children are individuals just like us, only younger! There’s no difference.

I’ve always believed that “I’m sorry,” “thank you,” and “I love you” are the best three phrases.

We should not only say them ourselves but also teach our children to say them regularly.

Especially when adults wrongly accuse children, apologizing to them becomes even more necessary! Saying “I love you” shouldn’t be kept to oneself or be too embarrassed to say, and is it really so hard to say “I’m sorry,” those three words?

Not only should you say it, but you should also say it sincerely! Don’t be afraid of losing face; how else will you apologize?

1. Don’t hide your mistakes in front of your child!

Say: This time, Mom wrongly accused you, and Mom apologizes to you.

Say: This time, Dad’s words didn’t hold, and I didn’t do what I promised you. I’m sorry!

Don’t think that children are too young; in fact, they understand everything!

Being brave enough to admit your mistakes, setting an example for your child, is also an excellent educational opportunity.

2. Apologize to your child promptly!

Apologizing after the incident has passed is pointless.

3. Apologize to your child sincerely and genuinely, not insincerely! Don’t be superficial!

Address the specific issue, stick to your principles, and don’t apologize just because you raised your voice or lost control of your emotions to please your child.

Don’t always rush to draw conclusions about your child, judge their behavior from your perspective, and give them a lecture without delay.

In a family where children argue and fight, the older one is blamed: “You’re older, give in,”

In reality, the older one bumped their head, and the younger one was the first to start…

Actually, the older one is “hurt” more seriously…

If you don’t give your child a chance to speak and explain for an extended period, and instead, you constantly try to influence their thinking, the child will become annoyed and the parent-child relationship will suffer!

Remember this semester when my daughter was learning about clocks, the second hand broke as soon as I bought it for school.

I was about to get angry when she said, “I lent it to a classmate, and the classmate played with it and broke it.”

I almost blamed her.

Adults also need to close their mouths, crouch down, wait, and listen to every child. Every child is like a seed, with the right soil, sunlight, temperature, and water source, they will naturally grow up healthy.

Parents need to examine the environment they create for their children, is it healthy, rather than constantly fussing over the seed!

No one is always right, and when you’re wrong, apologize generously, sincerely, and without losing face! @Zhihu Parenting

Apologizing to Children: A Necessary Act of Repair

The answer to the problem lies within the problem itself - when you’ve made a mistake, like wrongly accusing someone, apologizing is the right thing to do.

I spend most of my time with my son, and we understand each other quite well. I don’t often make the mistake of wrongly accusing him, but there have been moments when I lost control of my emotions, scolded him, or gave him a light spanking.

If it’s solely for educational purposes, moderate discipline is acceptable. However, the trigger for losing control often stems from my own fatigue, other worries, or even anxiety caused by comparing myself to other parents boasting about their children’s achievements. At such times, my son might inadvertently do something that irritates me, and he becomes the scapegoat.

After the storm has passed and my anger has been vented, how can my child release his pent-up frustration?

I always sincerely apologize to my son, saying, “I’m very sorry, son. Mom was tired today, and although you had your faults, I shouldn’t have used such harsh words.”

My son lies on his small bed, leaning against a cushion, and lowers his head to read a book for class. He looks up at me with a touch of helplessness and says, “Well, you never change, anyway.”

Making mistakes is not good, and apologizing can’t erase the hurt, but it’s better than nothing.

Then, with some fun activities and a little coddling, my child understands that adults can lose control of their emotions when they’re tired or stressed. However, they still care about his feelings, and the inner anger subsides.

At this point, a round of post-conflict repair is considered complete. I also reflect on myself, trying not to be such a terrible mom.

I always remember the earnest advice from a professor during a parenting seminar, “Don’t be disappointed or angry with your children because you will be together for a very long time.”

Adults also need to apologize when they make mistakes. Otherwise, while adults may feel guilty and remorseful, children won’t understand the adults' inner journey, and their own feelings of frustration and sadness can’t be relieved. Over time, if the bond with their parents weakens, it becomes harder to repair.

When children grow up, apologies and sweet words may no longer hold much value to them. So, when you make a mistake, apologize sincerely and promptly, preferably not letting it linger overnight, to avoid affecting sleep.

Apologizing to Children: A Fundamental Act

There’s no doubt about it - when you wrongly accuse a child, apologizing is the right thing to do. Apologizing is necessary when you wrongly accuse anyone.

It’s common knowledge that failing to apologize after wrongly accusing a child shows a lack of consideration for their feelings.

Both adults and children feel sad and hurt when wrongly accused, and they can feel wronged or angry. So, an apology is a must.

Apologizing is not enough; it must be a sincere apology to the child.

A sincere apology means recognizing that you were in the wrong, feeling remorse inside, and then apologizing to the other person.

Simply saying “I’m sorry” without true sincerity is not a genuine apology. Some people even say “I’m sorry” in a dismissive manner or think that saying “I’m sorry” is sufficient, asking, “What more do you want?”

That’s not an apology; it’s provocation and a second injury.

Put aside your pride as a parent and offer a sincere apology.

After a sincere apology, it’s essential to reflect on why you acted that way and wrongly accused the child.

Learn from the experience and try to avoid similar situations in the future.

If possible, you can also buy a small gift for the child or fulfill one of their small wishes as compensation.

In many cases, when facing parents, children are very forgiving, especially young children. They often easily forgive their parents.

Because a child’s love for their parents is often more pure and sincere.

For this reason, parents should be more careful and considerate when dealing with their children.

When something happens, parents should first clarify the facts before deciding whether to criticize the child. They shouldn’t rush to blame the child without distinguishing right from wrong.

Just because a child is young, parents should not disregard their feelings when speaking or acting.

Apologizing to Children: Building Trust and Respect

When you wrongly accuse a child, it’s essential to apologize to them. Wrongly accusing a child can make them feel deeply hurt and unjustly treated. If you fail to apologize, it can make the child feel disrespected and create a sense of resistance towards you. It can also instill feelings of insecurity in the child. On the contrary, a timely apology to the child can provide them with a sense of security, respect, and love. It can fill the child with energy and happiness, leading to acceptance and the development of a strong parent-child relationship.

Parents are the best teachers and role models for their children. Therefore, when parents make mistakes while educating their children, they must set an example by learning to apologize sincerely. This teaches children the importance of taking responsibility for their mistakes and apologizing. Recognizing and admitting one’s mistakes, along with the courage to apologize, is essential for personal growth. Everyone makes mistakes, but what matters is whether they can correct them and avoid repeating them. Children, just like adults, need to learn this valuable lesson.

A simple “Dad apologized for wrongly accusing you” or “Mom apologized for wrongly accusing you” can warm and melt a child’s heart. It makes them feel loved and teaches them the importance of taking responsibility for their actions. This is crucial for a child’s development.

Every parent should aim to respect their child when interacting with them. If you ever wrongly accuse your child, be sure to offer a sincere apology promptly. Be a wise parent who provides their child with the nourishment they need to grow up healthy and happy, ultimately becoming a person with the power of happiness.

Apologizing to Children: Fostering Respect and Equality

Our ability to respect adults stems from being on an equal footing. However, we often struggle to respect children because we perceive ourselves as being on a different level. When we habitually look down on children, it becomes challenging to engage in equal conversations with them. In reality, apart from physical height, children are no less than us. When children experience respect, it also nurtures their self-esteem, fostering qualities of self-improvement and independence.

Many parents, even when aware of their mistakes, hesitate to apologize. This is because they perceive children as vulnerable and dependent, not equals. Some parents fear that apologizing to their children might tarnish their authoritative image. How can an authority figure admit their mistakes?

One day, a friend named Xiao Ying took her son to visit his grandfather. While playing, the grandfather accidentally scalded the child with hot tea. Although it wasn’t severe, the child was upset and demanded an apology from his grandfather, bursting into tears. Xiao Ying rushed to comfort her child. The grandfather, however, became angry and said, “This child has been spoiled and is exceptionally stubborn. He needs proper discipline.” The child pouted and responded, “You were impolite. You scalded my arm and didn’t even say sorry. I told you, but you didn’t apologize and instead scolded me.”

Later, Xiao Ying privately told her grandfather, “While we shouldn’t condone a child’s wrongdoing, we should admit our mistakes when we are wrong. In the incident earlier, it may have been unintentional, but you did scald the child. Therefore, an apology was necessary. Children, despite their age, deserve respect. If you could have set aside your pride and dealt with it from an equal standpoint, a simple ‘I’m sorry’ would have sufficed.” The grandfather realized his mistake.

We must differentiate between children being unreasonable and stubborn, and them upholding principles and values. If a child stands up for the right principles, we should encourage them rather than suppress their growth with adult authority. Children have innocent and fragile minds, which requires us, as adults, to serve as guides. We are like mirrors; children learn from our actions. If we teach them one thing but do another, they will question the authenticity of our teachings. In the long run, will this positively impact their healthy development?

In essence, we should treat children as individuals with their own personalities. Parents should engage in conversations with their children on an equal footing, neither looking down upon them nor elevating themselves. The purpose of problem-solving should go beyond soothing the child’s emotions, meeting their demands, or aligning their behavior with parental needs. It should aim to identify the root cause of the problem, satisfy individual needs through peaceful means, and strengthen the parent-child bond by resolving issues.

Apologizing: Necessary, Compelled, Unavoidable…

“You must apologize to me… You’re a bad person… Otherwise, I’ll make my dad call the police to arrest you!” The child shouted at me, holding their small arms tightly across their chest. They had a determined look in their eyes, as if they were certain of their victory.

I am a childcare provider, and I have been “threatened” and “intimidated” by a child who is almost 4 years old. Every now and then, if we don’t see eye to eye, she would immediately “call the police” on me.

Should I apologize? Otherwise, my life might be “threatened,” and my job could be in jeopardy.

The first time I “wronged” the child was when I misspoke.

She was arguing with a neighbor’s grandma because the neighbor’s grandma couldn’t distinguish between “玉” (jade) and “域” (domain). The child was getting frustrated, and her tone was less than friendly.

At the time, I didn’t pay much attention. I wanted to correct her and said, “With that tone, you don’t sound like a real princess…”

Before I could finish my sentence, she had already started yelling, “You said the wrong thing! You must apologize to me…”

But in my momentary lapse of judgment, I was neither polite nor aware of how much she cared about being called a “princess,” especially when she was the one who had initiated the title “Ice Princess” in the yard!

Unknowingly, I had stirred up a hornet’s nest.

From the yard to our home, it was a continuous storm of the child’s anger, demanding apologies over and over again, hysterical shouting.

When she called her dad and grandpa, she “accused” me of my “crimes” one by one. At that moment, I realized my mistake.

As I was preparing to apologize to her, the child walked into the bedroom by herself and said, “Auntie, I’m sorry, I was wrong, I shouldn’t have hit you!”

Indeed, during our argument, she had hit me three times, and I had pointed out that she was physically aggressive.

But what surprised me was how quickly she could let go of her anger and apologize to me. In less than 20 minutes, she had resolved her emotions and initiated an apology.

As an adult, how could I lose to a child who was not even 4 years old?

I knelt down and hugged her arms, sincerely saying, “Thank you for apologizing to me! Auntie also apologizes to you. I spoke inappropriately earlier and wronged you. You are indeed an Ice Princess, and even princesses can have tempers.”

“It’s okay, Auntie. When we have tempers, we should express them directly so Auntie can understand what you really mean,” I continued.

“Okay, Auntie. Can you hug me?” She asked hesitantly, as if she feared I would refuse.

I immediately embraced her and said, “Of course. We’ve made up just now, right when we shook hands? If Auntie doesn’t understand you next time and we have a ‘war’ again, we’ll just hug it out, okay?”

A genuine smile finally appeared on the child’s face, and she asked me to help her sharpen her pencils…

If you wrong a child, apologize to them.

If a child initiates an apology like in my case, you should apologize sincerely.

It turns out that after this “battle,” both of us could easily escape from the tornado when we faced her temper again.

In summary: If you wrong a child, always apologize sincerely!

You will gain a closer and more harmonious parent-child relationship, more trust from your child, and a happier, more well-rounded individual.

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As the saying goes, “Prevention is better than cure.”

Parents should try to strike a balance and avoid blaming their children for their own mistakes or errors.

Here are four methods parents can try to avoid blaming their children and help them grow up healthy and happy:

1. Don’t bring negative emotions home and affect your children. Try not to let your bad moods spill over to your children. Create a warm and happy family atmosphere.

2. Try expressing your negative emotions to your children. Don’t hesitate to share your negative emotions with your children. Let them know that adults also have moments of weakness and teach them how to deal with negative emotions positively.

3. Apologize to your child promptly and seek their forgiveness. A sincere apology can build trust and improve the parent-child relationship.

4. Stay calm and give your child a chance to express themselves. Encourage your child to speak up and listen patiently to their thoughts and feelings.

In conclusion, to avoid blaming children and help them grow up in a healthy and happy environment, parents can try these four methods:

1. Don’t bring negative emotions home.
2. Share your negative emotions with your children.
3. Apologize to your child and seek their forgiveness.
4. Stay calm and let your child express themselves.

These tips can help prevent misunderstandings and conflicts between parents and children.

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The content is derived from Chapter Four of “Gentle Parenting: Staying Calm and Being Emotionally Stable” by Ou Xiaya. If you find this helpful, you can purchase the book for further reading.

Apologizing to Children: The Right Way to Handle Wrong Accusations

Apologizing to children is not just a parental attitude but also a way to comfort them. If parents find themselves wrongly accusing their children without the courage or willingness to admit their mistakes, it can leave the child disappointed. Moreover, the child might learn from this behavior and adopt it when they make mistakes themselves. Children often mimic their parents, becoming reflections of their actions.

I remember when my child was in kindergarten, during a parent’s open day. The children transitioned from indoor to outdoor activities. My child, being one of the last to arrive at the outdoor area and not finding suitable toys, ended up riding a neglected tricycle. After about ten minutes, my child timidly approached me and quietly said, “Mom, my bottom is wet.” Initially, I was a bit annoyed and questioned, “How did it get wet? Did you wet yourself? How old are you? Still wetting your pants? You should be dry by now!” My child looked confused, didn’t defend themselves, and silently continued playing with wet pants.

During lunchtime, the teacher mentioned that another child had gone home to change their pants because they got wet from the rainwater on the tricycle. It was then that I realized my mistake! My child’s pants were probably wet for the same reason, but I hadn’t paid attention at the time, and my child didn’t know how their pants got wet either. I had wrongly accused my child without understanding the situation. I felt deeply remorseful and, after lunch, I changed my child’s pants and sincerely apologized.

Many times, as parents, we make mistakes just like our children. Making mistakes is not a problem; the real issue is not learning from them. If parents don’t correct their mistakes, how can they expect their children to do so?

Therefore, when it’s necessary to apologize to your child, do it! Be a role model for your child. I hope my advice is helpful to you!

Apologize, Of Course!

Of course, you should apologize.

I remember when my daughter was in kindergarten, she was wrongly accused by her grandmother, and she stubbornly said, “You’re wrong, you should apologize to me.”

My mom knew she was wrong but insisted, “I am the elder, you are the junior. Even if I am wrong, I shouldn’t apologize to you.”

My daughter looked at me with confusion and said, “Being wrong is being wrong. Does being the elder mean you don’t have to apologize?”

I think my daughter was right. If you’re wrong, you’re wrong, and being an elder doesn’t exempt you from apologizing.

Eventually, my mom did apologize to my daughter, her first-ever apology.

My dad said my mom had always been strong and fearless, but our daughter was her little nemesis.

To apologize or not to apologize when you’ve wrongly accused a child? Apologize. Children can be stubborn, and if you don’t apologize to them, they may hold a grudge. They may also learn from us adults. Apologize to make them feel respected and balanced in their hearts. ❤️

What then? Why don’t you want to apologize to the child?

Apologizing to Children for Misunderstandings and Conflicts in Parenting

If parents wrongly accuse their children, they need to apologize to them. Parents play a crucial role as emotional support for their children, and if misunderstandings and conflicts arise during the parenting process, it’s essential for parents to apologize sincerely. This helps alleviate the child’s distress and doubts, allowing them to feel understood and supported by their parents.

Apologizing isn’t just about verbal expressions; it also requires positive actions. Along with the apology, parents should actively adjust their behavior and attitude, enabling the child to witness their changes and improvements, thus promoting harmony and development in family education.

In summary, when parents make a mistake and wrongfully accuse their children, it’s important for them to apologize. This isn’t just a fundamental principle for handling conflicts in family education; it’s also an expression of parental responsibility and love. If parents can lead by example and make adjustments, they can better assist their children in growing, progressing, and developing.

The Importance of Parents Admitting Their Mistakes in Child Rearing

Being willing to admit mistakes doesn’t diminish your dignity as a parent; instead, it creates an environment of equal dialogue between you and your child, making your words more effective and fostering a closer and more harmonious parent-child relationship.

I’ve come to realize more and more that admitting mistakes is a valuable quality for parents during the process of educating their children.

Many parents unconsciously uphold their authority in front of their children, believing that they must always appear infallible to gain their children’s trust and obedience.

However, everyone makes mistakes, parents included. Recently, I witnessed a mother and her child arguing while walking in the neighborhood. I overheard their conversation. It seemed that the child had asked his mother to prepare art scissors for his art class two days ago, but she had forgotten. The child expressed his disappointment, and the mother responded with irritation, blaming the child for not understanding how busy she was with cooking, commuting, and work. This escalated the situation, causing the child to become upset and run home in tears.

In such situations, parents often find it unnecessary to admit their mistake. Instead, they resort to blaming the child or making excuses. However, admitting mistakes can have a profoundly positive impact on both the child and the parent, as well as the parent-child relationship.

Firstly, Parents Admitting Their Mistakes Creates a More Relaxed Environment.

The parent’s attitude toward errors sets the tone for how errors are handled within the entire family. If parents consistently try to cover up their mistakes, they inadvertently send the message that they never make mistakes and do not allow their children to make them either. This leads to an environment where family members are always on edge.

Parents who don’t admit their mistakes emphasize that they are infallible and inadvertently teach their children to do the same. This can lead to constant disputes about right and wrong, creating tension in the family environment.

On the other hand, if parents openly admit their mistakes and take steps to correct them, children will learn to view mistakes as a normal part of life. This promotes a more relaxed atmosphere in the family.

Secondly, Parents Admitting Their Mistakes Helps Children Feel Respected, Reducing Negative Emotions and Conflicts During Adolescence.

Psychologist Roda Dunn stated, “When parents admit their mistakes or break promises, apologizing to their children helps build their self-esteem and teaches them to respect others.” In contrast, parents who always appear infallible risk causing their children to suppress feelings of frustration and anger.

Children who grow up with parents who never admit their mistakes may develop pent-up resentment, which can erupt during their teenage years. This can lead to conflicts and strained relationships.

Thirdly, Parents Admitting Their Mistakes Encourage Children to Embrace Errors and Failures and Be More Willing to Try New Things.

When parents are willing to admit their mistakes, children are more likely to view errors as a normal part of life and become more open to trying new things.

For example, when my child was hesitant to attempt a difficult basketball move during practice, I intentionally made mistakes while demonstrating it to show that even parents can make mistakes. This relaxed my child, and he became more willing to try the move himself.

In conclusion, being willing to admit your mistakes as a parent doesn’t diminish your authority; instead, it creates an environment of equal dialogue and fosters a closer parent-child relationship.

I am @萌面书生, an 80s dad with seven years of experience in the field of parent education and training. I am dedicated to providing valuable content on parenting. If you found this content inspiring and helpful, please like and follow to help others discover it and motivate me to create more.

@知乎亲子

Apologizing to Children: A Genuine and Necessary Act

Kudos to the questioner who raised this issue!

When adults wrongly accuse children and hurt their feelings, it’s crucial for parents to apologize sincerely. Apologizing with a genuine attitude is essential because it can be distressing for children.

If adults make an unintentional mistake for the sake of the child’s well-being, considering an apology is a thoughtful approach. However, it may not always be necessary, as children are not oblivious to intentions.

In my opinion, for minor misunderstandings and wrongful accusations, formal verbal apologies aren’t always required. After emotions have settled, a heart-to-heart conversation can be more effective. Parents can explain why they were upset with their child, their reasons, and then show their love in their own way, like hugging or patting the child’s shoulder. This way, the child can feel that even when they are criticized, it is because they are loved.

Even in democratic families, parents must maintain their authority over their children. Without distinctions between elders and juniors, chaos can ensue.

Many times, I believe children should say thank you to their parents. They receive support for their needs, both financial and emotional. Even if they make mistakes, not allowing parents to express their concerns can be detrimental.

Parents may not always consider every detail, but their intentions are usually for the child’s benefit. In this world, who is closer to a child and loves them more than their parents? Who is more willing to sacrifice their hearts and souls for their child? Who is more capable of providing unwavering support without complaints? Who is more willing to selflessly dedicate themselves to their child?

Therefore, it’s not ideal to criticize a child and then apologize immediately. The best approach is to understand the full context before speaking.

I’ve noticed several articles on Zhihu requesting parents to understand and tolerate their children. In turn, why can’t children also understand and tolerate their parents, who have raised them through thick and thin?

Unless it’s an exceptionally unusual case, parents typically adore their children. Perhaps, at times, their choice of words isn’t ideal, but their intentions are ultimately for the child’s well-being. Due to the limitations of their own upbringing, parents may end up using the same parenting methods they were raised with. However, they are doing their utmost to provide for and educate their children.

If parents were to apologize every time they criticize their child, it might make them hesitant and apprehensive when raising their child in the future.

I certainly need to apologize. Since I realized I was wrong to blame you, I must apologize sincerely to the child and strive to gain their forgiveness.

This is a great example and a test of the parent-child relationship, which is also very important for the child’s growth. There’s not much else to say.