How do you view this educational concept? A father in Shandong openly admits in a parent-teacher conference that his son is a poor student but still believes he will have a bright future

My son is a mediocre student, but I believe in him

To be honest, I became a fan after reading this father’s speech.

My son is a mediocre student,
but I still believe
that he has the potential to become an outstanding individual.

My son’s academic performance is particularly poor,
dragging down our class,
and I deeply apologize for that,
but I still believe that he can have a bright future.

Image source: Internet, subject to deletion

He says he believes in his child’s bright future for two reasons:

First: my son is mentally strong. Despite his poor academic performance, he can still eat, drink, play, and sleep. I admire him for that.

Second: the hard work and nurturing from all the subject teachers. Sometimes, my child manages to pass the exams, and I see him progressing day by day. I believe that he has the potential to become an outstanding individual.

I am reminded of a classmate of my daughter’s who scored 61 in math in the recent midterm exam. The child’s mother said that the father told her, “If you do well, I’ll go to the parent-teacher conference. If you don’t, you’ll have to go.”

In fact, his son is very helpful. If he sees a classmate without stationery, he will voluntarily lend his own.

During field trips, he would ask his mother to buy extra food. When he noticed that other classmates had brought too little food, he would voluntarily share his own with them.

If he sees a teacher busy, he will go and help. He always has a smiling face for both teachers and classmates. He really loves school…

After the field trip, when he finished the food he brought himself, he brought back a variety of food that other classmates had given him.

Both of us chat and praise her son. He is truly a great child.

On the other hand, there is another child in my daughter’s class who is a top student in two subjects, but no one wants to play with him.

This is because he always gives nicknames to his classmates and makes fun of their names.

He never lends anything to his classmates when they ask, nor does he greet anyone when entering or leaving school…

First Grade Parent-Teacher Conference

In every class, there are always students who excel academically and those who struggle.

In today’s competitive environment, how many parents can refrain from judging their children solely based on their grades?

A child’s performance in one exam cannot represent their entire life.

They may have answered a few questions wrong on their test, but that does not make them a bad person!

Parents with high emotional intelligence protect their children’s dignity

The teacher’s actions were extremely inappropriate. It was like tying a struggling student and their parent to a pillar of shame, subjecting them to ridicule. Fortunately, they encountered a parent with exceptionally high emotional intelligence.

I once came across a video where the teacher said:

“Next, please welcome the parent of the student with the worst performance in my class to speak on stage.”

In such a situation, many parents of struggling students would probably wish for a hole to swallow them whole. And once they returned home, they would inevitably subject their children to ridicule, making a mockery of their own child and themselves.

However, this parent’s opening statement showcased remarkable emotional intelligence. First, they expressed gratitude to the teacher for inviting them to speak on stage. Then, they said:

“I thank the teacher for inviting me with such an opening statement. Firstly, my child has a name, and they are not just the last in the rankings. Secondly, if a teacher has the ability to improve all students' performances, then even if my child is the last, they are not a poor student.”

I wonder if the homeroom teacher reflected on themselves after facing such a counterattack?

In that instant, this father immediately defended his child’s dignity, and then he returned the ball to the teacher, dealing a heavy blow. At the same time, he returned the insulting words used by the teacher right back at them.

Having a parent with the lowest-achieving child speak on stage at a prestigious school, what does this signify? It only shows that this prestigious school is not strong enough and needs to resort to insulting their students in order to improve their academic performance.

This parent’s opening statement hit the nail on the head: as long as there is the ability to improve the performances of all children, even those ranked last will not have poor results.

We have witnessed many cases like this because every class has a student ranked last. In some top high schools, all students in the class are admitted to prestigious universities. Who would dare to ridicule the student ranked last as a poor performer?

One of my friends always proudly boasts before attending parent-teacher meetings:

“Today, there will be a parent-teacher meeting in my son’s class, and I will have the opportunity to speak on stage and share my experience of nurturing children with other parents.”

Usually, during parent-teacher meetings, schools invite parents of high-achieving students to share their experiences, in the hope that their experiences will serve as a reference for other parents, thereby improving their children’s academic performance.

However, this teacher wanted to use insulting means to motivate parents to urge their children to study. This approach is undeniably flawed. Therefore, the comments from many netizens hit the nail on the head. In comparison, this teacher’s emotional intelligence is too low and was easily trampled upon by the parents.

I believe that upon hearing the teacher’s words, the student’s heart must have crumbled. Individuals are different, and not everyone will outwardly show their vulnerability. Many people can only conceal their inner fragility with a strong facade.

At the same time, I also believe that with such an excellent and emotionally intelligent father, even if this student is not academically inclined, they will still become an outstanding person. After all, a person’s excellence is not solely measured by their academic performance.

Expectations of Parents and the Future of Children

I deeply resonate with the parents in the video who admire their children’s ability to have a positive mindset and to enjoy eating and sleeping well despite their poor academic performance. I have also experienced this feeling before. Every day, rushing to work or school, I feel anxious, worried about being late, and sometimes anxious about the busy day ahead. When I see my child, even if they are about to be late, calmly and leisurely, it sometimes makes me envious…

I have had such a childhood, such a state of mind in the past. I used to excel in exams, and when I was well prepared before the exam, I often did not feel nervous, nor did I feel like reviewing. Instead, I watched TV, slept early, and performed exceptionally well in the exam. However, after entering society, I rarely experienced such a relaxed state of mind.

I admire the mindset of this parent, who withstands tremendous external pressure and creates a bright future for their child.

Living in this society, it is inevitable to be influenced by public opinion and people and events around us. A few days ago, my friend complained about the pressure their child’s teachers put on the parents. Despite reducing the workload, there are still a large number of check-ins and extra assignments every day. If a child doesn’t follow the rules at school, the parents are immediately notified, and it is blown out of proportion. When I see the teacher trying to contact me, I feel anxious and nervous. Sometimes I want to help my child lighten the burden, do less homework, but I’m afraid of being contacted by the teacher or afraid that everyone else is doing it and what will happen to my own child if they don’t. If the child makes a mistake and is not severely criticized and disciplined, the parents will blame themselves for spoiling the child.

Sometimes educating a child seems to be only about oneself, but in reality, it is not just about oneself. There are always people around who educate you about what standards to use to demand your child and what kind of person your child should become.

In fact, the people who understand the child the most should be the parents. If we can ignore the requirements set by society, I believe most parents can accept their children’s diverse futures. However, because we do not have the ability to predict the future, following established rules seems to be the safest path in life.

Unfortunately, the future often deviates from our expectations. The path that seems best to us now may not be the right path for many children. But human nature is such that most people tend to choose the path that looks best and are reluctant to take risks and believe in their own feelings. Therefore, the once broad road becomes a narrow plank.

If adults treat themselves this way, they are likely to treat their children the same way. In middle age, what I have realized is that the qualities that parents believed children should have when they were obedient and compliant adhering to rules and regulations, have little effect on my future happiness. Every step I have taken following my own heart’s desires has become precious to me now.

I am Guangyi, turning enlightenment into art, focusing on sharing joyful enlightenment experiences for preschool children.
If you, like me, hope to constantly explore your child’s characteristics and needs, and provide appropriate enlightenment support while accompanying them, please follow and communicate with me. Let’s progress together.

Comparison between Underachievers and Scum

“Underachievers” are just those who make mistakes in their studies, not those who make mistakes in being a person.

On the other hand, those who humiliate underachievers should reflect on whether they have made mistakes in being a person—and accidentally become scum themselves.

Personally, I believe that underachievers are always better than scum.

Media speculation suspected to be the work of a parent consultant

Based on countless similar “incidents” as experience, there are reasonable grounds to suspect that this is just a typical case of internet celebrity hype.

This parent carries the tag of a senior psychological counselor, and it is said that their personal account gained a large number of followers because of this “news”, and the personal account has been continuously reviewing this “news”, indicating a clear intention to exploit it. Are we familiar with Qingdao Experimental School? Is that a place where ordinary underachievers can enroll?

Although it is suspected to be a publicity stunt, it is quite clever. This person truly lives up to their role as a college entrance examination psychological counselor and knows how to grasp the public’s mentality. At least the first step was taken correctly, and the approach is quite ingenious. Just a mention of “anti-anxiety” is enough to trigger a wave of reposts from countless self-media platforms. Whether it will be successful or how successful it will be remains to be seen in the follow-up.

The Positive Significance of Father’s Speech

We actually do not need to speculate whether the father, as a psychological counselor, truly believes in what he said, or if it was just a show.

As ordinary people, we should think about the content of what this father said.

Why did his speech draw attention? It’s because his reaction was different from the norm, and what he said resonated with many people. When faced with a child who is considered a “poor student,” most parents generally have two kinds of reactions:

One is to explode in anger, blaming the child for being stupid, lazy, and not taking studying seriously. In this approach, there tends to be a lot of criticism and blame in the parent-child relationship, as the parents try to use this method to push the child to work harder. The child not only feels pressure, but also self-disparagement and anger.

The other reaction is to completely give up. Whether in front of the child or others, the parent displays an attitude of “no hope.” There is a lack of communication and interaction in the parent-child relationship. The child feels a sense of loss and being unimportant.

When you put yourself in the child’s shoes, you will realize that these two common patterns are not helpful in sparking the child’s interest in learning and may even have a negative effect.

The parent in the report showed “unconditional trust.” This kind of trust is not tied to the notion of whether the child is good or bad at studying. At least, it shows a sense of love because of the parent-child relationship. This will bring the child a “secure attachment” model, and with proper guidance, the child has a great chance to find a connection with learning and develop an interest in it.

Of course, we hope that this father’s speech is genuine and heartfelt, as acting has no effect on the child. It may even lead the child to label the father as “hypocritical,” further affecting the parent-child relationship.

Pressure of Homework in Shandong

Located in Jinan, Shandong.

Last night, I was chatting with a friend and we were discussing whether Shandong has a heavy homework load.

Looking at my son who had just finished his homework at 10 o’clock in the evening, and then looking at the parents still active in the class group chat at half past ten, I thought to myself, “Yes, it’s quite burdensome.”

But then I also thought that maybe it’s just like this in our area, and other places should have a more relaxed situation.

Indeed, my child had more homework than usual yesterday, especially the amount of copying for Chinese class was comparable to weekend homework.

I used to think that my child wrote homework slowly because of a lack of focus. But yesterday, I personally did a portion of his homework and found that I was only 20 minutes faster than him.

These 20 minutes were due to me being more proficient in writing some difficult characters than my child.

Copying more than ten ancient poems, most of which were already studied, but there were too many unfamiliar and complex characters that posed a bit of a challenge for my child to copy.

Actually, I found that after my child entered the second grade, the characters to be learned became much more complex compared to those in the first grade.

Not only did they become more complex, but the number of characters to be learned per lesson also increased significantly.

In addition to new characters, my child needs to be able to write the ancient poems, every single character that accumulates over time, and also be able to spell out the characters in the text that need to be memorized.

If they can’t write, they won’t receive any points for the exam even if they use pinyin.

In the second grade, I can clearly feel that the amount of copying homework for my child is quite large. Coupled with at least 20 minutes of daily reading, mental math practice, 20 minutes of calligraphy practice, and other assignments, it seems that my child is always doing homework after coming home from school.

Yesterday, my child’s Chinese homework included copying more than ten ancient poems, writing new characters ten times each, and also organizing words, syllables, and radicals.

It was already half past ten in the evening, and I noticed that many parents were still discussing this issue. One reason is that they feel that the amount of homework for their children is indeed quite heavy, another reason is the anxiety about their children’s academic performance, a third reason is not wanting to be overwhelmed but also not being able to withstand the “sarcastic comments” from the teachers, and a fourth reason is not wanting to be overwhelmed but also not being able to lay flat.

Especially when the midterm exam questions were released this time, the response from JYJ was, “Let parents and children understand that there are always people better than us. Don’t take it lightly.”

The midterm exam paper for the second grade of primary school

Those parents who initially wanted to lay flat were being called and visited by teachers…

And then the teachers concluded: “Parents are spoiling their children too much.”

Sometimes I think that learning is the child’s own business. If the child doesn’t do homework, they should bear the consequences of not doing it; if the child misbehaves and doesn’t pay attention in class, they should be criticized. But many times, besides the child, the parents also bear the consequences.

And the teachers constantly question, “You need to make your child understand why they study!”

In some schools, if a student performs poorly in the lower grades, the teachers often suggest that the parents make the child take a leave of absence.

Either postpone starting school for a year, or try a private school.

I really admire the mindset of this dad and appreciate his emotionally intelligent speech, which gives strength to his child.

In fact, the true essence of being parents to our children is “No matter how well or poorly they perform in studies, we will love them.”

But as parents, no one dares to easily gamble with their child’s future.

Anxiety and Expectations of Parents in Children’s Education

I have several colleagues from Shandong around me, and I specifically asked them what their attitude would be if they were in such a situation.

They all said that there is a lot of pressure in the Shandong college entrance examination, and they may not be able to remain calm themselves. However, since they are parents, what’s the point of getting angry and making a scene? It would only serve as a source of amusement for others. Instead, they would go home and educate their children properly.

Their feelings of indignation and frustration seem to resonate with me.

To be honest, most parents nowadays have gone through nine years of compulsory education, so their basic thinking and logic are not a problem.

Poor academic performance does not mean no future. This has been emphasized in propaganda for many years, with the general idea being that anyone can achieve success in their chosen field.

Likewise, good academic performance does not necessarily mean becoming a socially useful person. It still depends on having the right values.

I even remember one year’s exam included a similar essay topic, with various examples proving this point.

But, I think most parents still can’t remain calm.

Although I do know many people who had average academic performance but turned out well in society, it seems that those who excelled academically have mostly gathered in Beijing, Shanghai, Guangzhou, and Shenzhen. Even though life may not be as comfortable as in their hometowns, it seems like they have a completely different platform to start from.

Why do parents still go overboard with the burdens even when the workload is reduced?

The reason is that everyone sees education as the simplest and best path for their children’s future.

Parents will exhaust themselves sending their children to tutoring classes, fearing that their own lack of effort will hold their children back.

This is probably the most common notion among parents.

If children can still have a secure livelihood even if they don’t attend university, I think most parents would relax.

I remember seeing a lot of celebrities who believed that education was too rigid and instead hired teachers or personally participated in their children’s education.

If you do a search, you should find many such examples.

Moreover, based on reports, even though these children did not experience the same education as us, their current work and lives are still good.

Some have inherited family assets, and some have started their own businesses.

But most of them still rely on the influence of their parents.

This is probably a more realistic aspect.

If parents have such confidence and assurance, regardless of whether their children need to receive nationally recognized education, they will have no need to worry about their children’s grades.

However, it seems that most people do not have this confidence and assurance.

Most people can only focus on the path that will elevate their children and strive for better grades for them.

Even though they know their children are tired, suffering, or not suited for certain paths, they still hold on to the “what if” mentality, thinking that as long as they put in enough effort, their children’s future will be brighter.

Because, apart from this path, most parents cannot find any alternatives.

Of course, I believe that regardless of every parent and regardless of their children’s academic performance, the love for their children is profound.

Most children are just ordinary.

Using grades to measure a child’s future may also be foolish.

When all the dust settles, I hope that every child’s future will be colorful and fulfilling.

I am a father who accompanies the growth of my child, and I am an influential answerer on Zhihu. I enjoy reading with my child, exploring the world with them, and sharing parenting knowledge, good books, and good products. If my answer is helpful to you, please give it a like and follow me.

Parents Recognize the Importance of Good Mentality and Not Blindly Following the Trend of Overwork

This parent is clearly an outstanding person, and I agree with both points he made.

First, he noticed the importance of having a good mentality for children.

Second, he is good at expressing himself, expressing gratitude to teachers while not blindly following the trend of overwork.

We started tutoring our child because she felt inferior due to poor academic performance and was often discriminated against by other students.

If she could eat and sleep well, I would just let it go. But if she feels inferior, then intervention is necessary.

“Health and happiness” is often a luxury. It is rare to find someone who is internally strong and does not care about others' opinions.

When I was young, I also struggled academically, but I was very happy and didn’t feel it. It wasn’t until I realized the importance of appearance genes that I found motivation to study, thanks to our handsome class monitor who excelled academically.

In junior high, I was quite carefree. It was only after experiencing discrimination that I became diligent and motivated.

In high school, my academic performance was not good, but I was happy and my classmates treated me well.

Some people have a peaceful state of mind and mature late. If they don’t participate in the trend of overworking, they can avoid discrimination, or even if they are discriminated against, it doesn’t matter. Therefore, it is better to go through adolescence diligently, happily, and steadily.

As a researcher, I think the current trend of overwork is simply foolish.

What’s the meaning of constantly overworking?

Even if you get into Tsinghua University, then what?

Can you go straight to work after undergraduate graduation?

Even a Tsinghua or Peking University undergraduate degree is hard to get by, because even decent employers require a master’s degree.

Now that you’ve finished overworking to get into prestigious universities, you have to overwork to obtain higher degrees.

You overwork to get a Ph.D., and then what?

Hahaha, it’s laughable. Most likely, you will become a struggling and miserable research dog!

If you know you’re destined to be a research dog for a lifetime, why rush to overwork in primary and secondary school?

If you don’t want to be a research dog, become a programmer and earn a high salary. The high salary for programmers is a sign of the times, but now with AI, it’s unknown whether programmers can still earn high salaries in the future.

Forgive my bluntness, but I think those who start teaching their children programming at a young age are merely paying an intellectual tax.

What is the purpose of studying?

For happiness?

The children in this video are happy.

To make money?

Wow, being an overachiever doesn’t necessarily mean you can make money. “The 21st century is the century of biology.” How many overachievers from prestigious schools are buried in the fields of biology, chemistry, and materials?

To contribute to the rise of China?

At this time, comprehensive development is not necessary at all!

In elementary school, there are ten subjects: mathematics, Chinese, English, physical education, morality, science, music, dance, fine arts, and calligraphy. At first glance, this doesn’t seem like an effort to cultivate talent.

The most important thing in learning is focus, and it’s not easy to study well with such divided attention.

To contribute to the rise of China, each child needs only one specialization. Yet, some overachievers are trying to excel in programming, hosting, and English.

As someone who has read too many outstanding people’s dissertations and is frustrated with pursuing a Ph.D., I understand now that true confidence, based on overachievement, is actually unreliable.

Some children’s so-called hobbies, comprehensive development, and academic excellence are likely just an appearance of overachievement, and not what they truly seek.

Life is a long journey, and what sustains a person is not effort or family background, but an indomitable heart.

Having a broad-minded mentality and strong execution are indeed qualities of excellence.

For a person to be able to be content with oneself is already remarkable.