Choosing Between Open and Secret Love
When it comes to pursuing romantic relationships, people often debate whether to choose open love (ming lian) or secret love (an lian). Open love involves directly expressing one’s feelings, while secret love means harboring affection without revealing it. This article explores the pros and cons of each approach based on insights from Chinese online discussions.
In the realm of romance, individuals are often faced with a choice: Should I openly express my love (ming lian) or keep my feelings secret (an lian)? This age-old question has sparked lively debates on Chinese social media platforms like Zhihu.
Proponents of open love argue that it is the brave and authentic approach. By directly confessing your feelings to your crush, you give the relationship a real chance. Even if you get rejected, at least you were true to yourself and left no room for regrets. As one Zhihu user boldly declared, “I’ve always insisted on open love. Being in love is my business, I just want to let you know. I don’t intend to become a burden.”
Secret love, on the other hand, can protect you from the pain of rejection. Silently pining for someone allows you to revel in your fantasies without risking real heartbreak. One commenter shared, “Secret love would save a lot of trouble. From childhood to adulthood, there will be people you have good feelings for at every stage. That kind of ambiguous relationship is wonderful to me.”
However, secret love can also be a form of escapism. Long-term one-sided affection is essentially falling in love with your own imagination. As one wise user pointed out, “Secretly loving someone for a long time without results will only increase your stress and cause mental exhaustion. If you have secretly loved someone, the healthier approach is to turn that secret love into open love.”
Ultimately, open love is a more direct and honest way of expressing your feelings. When you openly love someone, you bravely share your affection and actively pursue the person. This bright love is like a dazzling bouquet of light, making people feel warm and excited. When you loudly confess your love, you are already prepared for the worst-case scenario of rejection. At least you were bold enough to express yourself without regrets.
Another key consideration is the other person’s feelings. If they seem interested, it may be time to transition from secret love to open pursuit. But if your affections are one-sided, secret love can save you from burdening the other person.
In the end, each person must choose the approach that aligns with their personality and situation. The brash may charge forward with open confessions while the meek test the waters with secret affection. As one commenter astutely asked, “Is it talking and regretting it, or regretting not talking? Only loving yourself, the other person loves you, or both love but dare not say it. Which time? Every time?”
Perhaps the real answer is not choosing between open or secret love, but rather finding the courage to chase romance in whatever form fits you best. Because no matter the approach, being true to your heart is what matters most.